


Ceramic Hearts (caution: fragile)

by tired_bee



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not K-Pop Idols, Bang Chan & Han Jisung | Han & Seo Changbin are Best Friends, Bang Chan is Whipped, Eventual Happy Ending, False Identity, Felix is a sweetheart, Fluff, Heartbreak, I would tag humor but I don't think I'm that funny, Idol Bang Chan, Lee Felix is a Good Friend, Lee Minho | Lee Know is Whipped, Lee Minho | Lee Know is a Confident Gay, Lies, Light Angst, Lots of Cliches, M/M, Minho makes pottery and ceramics stuff, Most of them at least, Rapper Bang Chan, Shy Bang Chan, it has a cheesy christmas movie kinda plot, just a little bit, no bad intentions tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-12-24
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:16:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 36,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27658718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tired_bee/pseuds/tired_bee
Summary: Lee Minho doesn't believe in love, at least not for himself, and he makes it known to everyone that he isn't interested in a relationship. He's happy with the life he has as an owner of his own pottery shop and three cats. Bang Chan is a successful idol/rapper as CB97. He believes in true love, but struggles to find it himself, and is starting to believe he has no chance.But could an accidental and seemingly meaningless first meeting change their mind?What happens when Chan's worries lead to bad decisions, and can he correct the mistake?
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin, Hwang Hyunjin/Lee Felix
Comments: 23
Kudos: 172





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Side note: this is my first fic and english is not my first language, take this as a warning
> 
> On that note, please let me know if you find any grammar mistakes or typos, so I can fix them! Thanks!!

**[Minho’s POV]**

It was about two in the afternoon when Felix dropped by to Minho’s shop, but about an hour later he’s still there. He brought some blueberry muffins and decided to wait there for Hyunjin, who just texted him that he needs to talk to one of his professors, so he’ll be late for their date. Felix didn’t seem to mind, or the very least not as much as Minho, who got stuck with the overenthusiastic, self-proclaimed Cupid.

“Everybody needs love! You can’t live your whole life alone,” Felix insists, sitting backwards on a chair, leaning onto it’s backrest and watching Minho make a little milk jug.

“I’m not alone, I have Soonie, Doongi, and Dori!” he says with a shrug while shaping the snout of the jug. An order came in yesterday for the fairy themed 12-cup tea-set with a teapot, a little milk jug and sugar container. More complicated designs such as this one were only made for orders, while most mugs, plates, vases and pots were just made whenever he had the time for it.

Felix sighs and shakes his head. He’s been trying to convince Minho to let him find him a date, but with no success so far. “You need human company! I get that you enjoy living alone with three cats, dressing like a dark academia grandma, doing your little pottery thing and listening to classical music… but going on a few dates wouldn’t be the end of the world!”

Minho tilts his head back to make his glasses slide up to their place, without having to touch them with wet clay on his hands. “It doesn’t fit into my lifestyle. I hate dates. Always so out of my comfort zone… Why would I wanna go bowling with a guy I just met? What is wrong with people?”

“It’s called _having fun_!!” Felix buries his face in his hands with an annoyed groan. His silver hair dye is fading, and he mentioned considering going blonde again, but he might as well go bald at this point according to their whole friend group.

Personally, Minho never went further than his current brown dye, and he takes good care of it too, but he has nothing against brighter colours on others. He just doesn’t like to stand out is all. He and Felix are very different people, but it just adds a little extra to their friendship.

“Listen, I don’t need a man! All they do is lie.”

“You’re a man too though?”

“Exactly, and yesterday I told your boyfriend his jacket looks good!”

What Felix probably intends is an offended pout, but he can barely hold back a laugh. Hyunjin’s red jacket is not nearly as bad as Minho says it is and they both know it, but it’s still fun to joke about how extra it looks. He got an A for it in class though.

“You’re mean!”

“I am,” he agrees with a small smile, before setting the milk jug aside to start shaping the little flowers he’ll attach to it. For the cups he also made butterfly wings, and the sugar container has a little snail sitting on it’s cover. The fairy themed set is definitely one of the more detailed ones on his website, but he enjoys working on it.

Felix stands up immediately as his phone rings and picks his bag up from the floor. He’s talking to Hyunjin judging by his smile and the tone of his voice. Despite Minho not being a fan of the concept of love, he does think that Felix and Hyunjin are cute together, and he’s definitely glad he introduced them to each other back then.

He nods to Felix when the boy waves bye – not even putting the phone down – and smiles to himself when he sees the bounce in his steps as he runs out to meet with Hyunjin.

Now that Felix is gone, he washes his hands and stands up to stretch his shoulders and back. The record he’s been playing earlier stopped while he was chatting with Felix, but he didn’t feel the need to turn it around while Felix was talking. It’s some jazz mix, but he has classical records and records of acoustic versions of modern songs too. The latter being his additions, the formers are half of his grandmother’s collection.

There is also the occasional pop or indie albums – Minho isn’t quite sure where is the line drawn between genres – he got from Felix or Jeongin for birthdays and Christmases, but he doesn’t pay much attention to the artists. Or any artists. He doesn’t really have any interest in celebrities whatsoever, so he never paid attention to gossip magazines and online articles.

The curtains are all draw out to let the warm late-summer sunlight in – which is probably greatly appreciated by Minho’s collection of easy-to-maintain plants – but the way it highlights the dust on the shelves he’ll have to wipe tomorrow, makes Minho consider drawing them shut again. But instead he ignores it for now and makes himself a cup of tea, running through his emails while waiting for it to steep.

Just as he’s about to sit back to work he hears the sound of the ceramic windchimes above the front door. The backroom where the creation process is done is a completely separate space from the shop area at the front, so he always keeps the music low, to hear if a customer walks in.

“Hi how can I help you?” He asks as soon as he step out to the shop area, while re-adjusting his apron.

“Give me the edgiest, most emo-looking mug you have!”

That sentence successfully grabs Minho’s attention, and he looks up at the customer. The guy seems to be about the same age as him, dressed in black jeans and a black hoodie, with a black baseball cap. He seems to have run on the way here, based on his slightly heavier breathing and the way he’s leaning against the wall with one hand.

“Is it for yourself?”

“Huh? Oh!” The customer chuckles slightly when he catches was Minho meant. “No, actually it’s for an even more edgy and emo looking guy!”

Minho takes a moment to think about it, since “edgy” and “emo” aren’t really key words he works with while designing and painting mugs, but luckily, he has some leftovers from last year’s Halloween stuff. After a bit of searching in the storage room he finds a black, somewhat skull-shaped mug with vampire fangs. He figures it’ll have to do, considering the lack of better options, and takes it back to the shop area.

The customer seems to like it too and pays right away. He’s wearing quite a few rings and Minho can see a tattoo peeking from under the sleeve of the hoody.

“I’ll gift wrap it, it won’t take more than a minute!” he offers.

“Thanks! Wait how did you know it’s a gift?”

“You ran in here, out of breath, looking for a mug for someone else, I’m assuming you forgot a birthday.”

The guy breathes out an awkward laugh, taking his hat off to run a hand through his messy bleach blonde hair. “Maybe… it happens sometimes.”

There’s no reply, due to Minho being busy with cutting the wrapper the right size and looking for something to tie it with. He hides a grin when he feels the blonde staring at him. _This will be fun_ , he thinks. “Must be easy to get away with it forgetting birthdays, for someone as handsome as yourself.”

“H-huh...?”

He looks up from the wrapping paper just in time to see the guy blush just the slightest bit. As much as Minho doesn’t believe in serious relationships or even casual dating, he quite enjoys the flirting part, and this guy seems like the perfect candidate for that. He’s been staring at Minho so the attention can’t be completely unwanted, he seems relatively easy to fluster and far from bad looking… all in all a good partner for casual flirting. “I said you’re handsome,” he winks, trying not to laugh at the reaction.

“Oh… Oh! T-thanks!” The blonde clears his throat quickly. “I mean thanks, you’re the one speaking, huh?”

Minho considers that a weak attempt at flirting, but he’ll take it. “I look better without glasses, I’ve been told,” he shrugs it off.

“Even better? Impossible.”

 _It’s improving._ He hands him the wrapped mug but keeps his hand on it a little longer. “Your hands look strong, careful not to break the mug!”

“I can be gentle when needed!” The guy smiles, then puts the mug his bag. Minho almost comments on his dimples but decides against it. 

After the guy leaves, he returns his full focus to the fairy themed 12-cup tea-set and the random classical music, currently coming from the record player. _I gotta buy cat food_ , he remembers after making eye-contact with one of the three little ceramic cat figurines on his desk.

\------♡------

**[Chan’s POV]**

To say Chan felt bad about forgetting his best friend’s birthday was an understatement. He felt horrible. Especially after Changbin kept insisting it was fine, and that it’s only natural after Chan’s recent schedules and the jet-lag from his flight the day before.

“Please just let it go, Chan! You didn’t even forget my birthday, you called me on the day of it, you just forgot to get me a gift, it’s no big deal!”

“It is though!”

“It’s not, my birthday was two weeks ago, and you were in the middle of a tour in America!”

“You picked me up at the airport ass-o’clock in the morning because I didn’t want to go by taxi, and _this_ is how I repay you!?”

Changbin shakes his head with a sigh. “The mug is enough, okay? It’s a good birthday gift, it fits the aesthetic of my studio, I literally just broke my other designated studio-mug last week, so the timing was perfect. You don’t have to get me anything big or expensive, get it into your head!”

Chan would really like to argue, but he knows Changbin is right. They’ve had this conversation before. They both agreed neither of them needs big flashy gifts from the other, and that just a phone call is enough, so there’s really not much to argue about here. “Fine… I can’t believe you broke your CB97 mug though, I mean if you wanna un-stan then do it, no need to make a show about it!”

Changbin shakes his head, laughing a little. “Hey I would never, I’m your number one fan!”

“I’m gonna get you a CB97 hoodie for Christmas!”

“Oh wow, I would be _honoured_!”

They a take a second to laugh about it, before comfortable silence settles on the room. They’re sitting in Changbin’s new studio he got after his recent promotion, and this is the first time Chan has seen it in person. The walls are a dark grey and the furniture is black, including every piece of decoration, aside from a few colourful flowers in resin that Jisung gave him on every small anniversary Changbin didn’t even knew should be celebrated.

Most of them stand on the shelf across the couch, but the two biggest ones are on the desk, next to a framed photo of Changbin and Jisung. They are that overly lovey-dovey couple everyone’s jealous of, including Chan. Of course he’s happy his two best friends are in such a perfect relationship, and they always make sure not to make Chan feel like he’s third-wheeling when it’s the three of them, so not even that can be a problem.

Chan just really wishes he had what they have. Changbin dropping off lunch at Jisung’s work, Jisung checking on Changbin when he stays at the studio too late, all the cute dates they plan for each other, holding hands all the time, even the playful bickering that annoys everyone in their surroundings except Chan.

He’s been trying to find love for a while now, but it’s difficult considering his field of work. When he decided to start a career on stage he had no idea how packed his schedule would be around every comeback, which makes it difficult to plan dates and spend time with someone, or that people would recognise him in busier parts of Seoul, making it difficult to spend time with someone privately.

Not to mention that his career also made meeting the right person to begin with, difficult. Fans and non-fans alike tried to get a chance to date him, some for his money, some for a chance to appear in gossip magazines, some just to be able to brag about it. And people who didn’t know him at first started acting different one way or another, when they looked his name up and realised he’s a celebrity. Turns out a lot of people have negative prejudices against celebrities.

A knock on the door wakes him from his thoughts.

“Hello?” Jisung first sticks his head in through the slightly open door, a careful look on his face before breaking into a smile. “Chan! What’s up? How was your flight? Binnie said you looked like zombie when he picked you up at the airport! Are you not jet lagged? You have to tell me about the tour!”

Chan laughs at the array of questions and requests, letting Jisung drag him up from the chair and hug him. “I’m just jet-lagged enough to not wanna talk, Ji!”

“It’s true, he’s been sitting here staring at the wall for like ten minutes!” Changbin adds. “First, he forgot my birthday, then he apparently forgot I exist!”

He muffles an embarrassed groan with his hands on his face. “I’m sorry, I’m just tired!”

They all laugh at that, then get into a little chat about the past few weeks with renewed energy, thanks to Jisung’s bright nature and the coffee he brought for all of them. Chan tells them about America and some fun stories from the tour, and they tell him random things they think he missed out on while away.

“And did you meet anyone in America?” Jisung asks, in a very specific tone that immediately reveals that what he’s really asking is if Chan went on any dates while on tour.

“Of course not, I had no time. Plus, I don’t want a long-distance relationship.”

Changbin leans back against the desk sipping the last of his coffee. “Well then there’s really nothing else left but to start walking around Seoul until you have your love at first sight meet-cute moment!” he shrugs.

 _Like the pottery guy_ , Chan thinks embarrassingly quickly. And unfortunately for him he took the time to think about that guy right when he was supposed to laugh at Changbin’s joke, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Jisung.

“Oh? Did you already meet someone? Why didn’t you tell us!”

“Nonono, I just-… I can’t really say I _met_ someone, per se!” He rushes to defend himself, before his friends could make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. “He’s just… I don’t even know his name, okay? I bought that mug from him.”

“Is he cute?”

“Well yeah… He’s cute. And his hair looks soft.”

“He definitely can’t say that about you!”

“Thanks, Changbin you’re really boosting my confidence.”

“Dude I’m just telling the truth! But like tell us more about this guy!”

So, Chan describes him and their conversation as best as he can. Maybe he’s a bit embarrassed to be talking about a guy he just met like this, but in his defence, he looked really cute and his hair looked really soft. “And he looked like he has no idea who I am, that’s a good start! Plus, he was listening to classical music, I don’t know people who listen to both classical _and_ rap!”

“ _You_ do.” Jisung shrugs. “Listen just be careful though, okay? Things aren’t always what they seem like, he could be a huge asshole. And you said he was flirting with you? I don’t know dude, he didn’t even ask your name and he was already flirting, sounds like a player.”

Logically Chan knows Jisung has a point, but he just can’t imagine that guy being a bad person. He looked too soft and classy for that. He just looked kind and intelligent. Frankly, he just looked exactly like Chan’s type.

“So, you think I shouldn’t…?”

“ _I_ think,” Changbin interjects. “you should. Just be careful of course! But he sounds like he’s exactly your type, plus if you’re right and he doesn’t know who you are you can make a good first impression before he finds out. If you have a feeling this could end well then go for it!”

With contrasting opinions from his friends, Chan isn’t really sure what to do about the situation. He doesn’t really think Jisung is right this time, but it’s true that people can be surprising. _I’ll have to think some more about it_ , he sighs, before he thanks his friends for the advice – and the coffee – and gets up to leave. He still has some bags he didn’t unpack since he got home, and he definitely needs a good sleep too after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**[Chan’s POV]**

Eventually Chan waited an entire week before going back to the pottery shop. He thought a lot about what Jisung and Changbin said but he still thinks there’s nothing to be worried about in connection with this guy. _He just seems way too soft to a be a player, Jisung wouldn’t have said that if he saw him in person!_

It’s September now, but the weather is still pleasantly warm, yet he’s wearing a similar full black outfit as last time, except without the hat, and he even styled his hair after washing it with an extra load of damage-repair conditioner. Maybe Changbin is right and he really should go back to black soon.

He stops in front of the shop to gather some courage, before finally pushing the door in carefully. Just like last time the wind chimes above the door make a small noise and he can already hear a “One second!” from the backroom. So, he waits, nervously tapping his foot on the ground. _It’s no big deal_ , he tells himself, _it’s an absolute stranger, if you embarrass yourself you can just walk out and never see him again!_ But unfortunately, that’s easier said than done when the ‘absolute stranger’ is as handsome as that guy.

He looks up immediately as he hears footsteps and the door to the backroom creaks open. The same guy from last time, wearing his round glasses, soft brown hair parted slightly to the side. He’s wearing a different white shirt from last time – with grey stripes – this one looking a bit more loose fitting behind the beige apron.

“Hi how can I help-… you?” The guy stops as he looks up from cleaning his hands with a piece of cloth, and makes eye-contact with Chan, obviously remembering his face from last time. “Did you forget another birthday?”

The question takes Chan by surprise. “What? Nonono, I just-… do I look that bad of a person?”

He almost misses the other’s subtle laugh over his nervous rambling. “No, of course not! I was just kidding… How can I help you today?”

“Well…” What is he supposed to say? He can’t just tell the guy he’s here to look at his handsome face, that would be kind of creepy to say the least. “I’m here to buy a mug?”

“For a birthday?”

“Not for a birthday. Just for myself! I just think the mug I bought for my friend is cool and you seem to have a lot of other cool designs so… yeah. I’m here to buy a mug.”

The guy studies his face for a bit – maybe he knows it’s a lie, or maybe Chan is just paranoid – before he turns away to pull out a book from under the counter. “If you wanna look at my designs here’s the things I usually have in stock. Anything specific in mind? I don’t suppose you wanna look at the cutesy ones.”

“Why not?” Chan looks up again, waiting for the other to return eye contact.

“Well… you just don’t seem like you would be into cute things. That was a rude assumption, wasn’t it?” He sighs and offers an apologetic smile.

“Nah it’s okay, I get that a lot… I assume it’s how I dress? Anyway, now that you mention it, I _would_ like to look at the cutesy designs!”

So, the guy flips the book open around the middle, turns it around and slides it over to him. “You can go ahead and look at other stuff too, flip it through if you wanna… I’ll be right back.” And with that he leaves to the backroom.

Chan sighs. _Not going as smoothly as I wanted to, but not bad either_. He flips through the book, quickly skimming over the pictures of mugs, teacups, little jugs and teapots, plates, bowls, and other such things. There’s a huge variety of designs from colourful to muted, simple to detailed, elegant to childish, and so on. He really wants to know if this guy makes all of these, or just participates in the process. He saw stains on his apron that looked like it could be from wet clay, so he has to at least do some of it.

“Anything you liked?”

“Hm? Oh! Yeah a few. These animal mugs are cute.”

“Oh, the kids love those!”

Chan raises an eyebrow, but he isn’t really offended. “Are you calling me childish?”

The guy tries to hold a smile back with limited success. “I would never!”

“Well I’ll have you know I’m going to drink my morning cocoa from that cute wolf head shaped mug in a very mature adult way!”

“Of course,” he’s laughing now – still trying to hold back from politeness – and as expected even his laugh is pretty. How the hell is Chan supposed to ‘be cautious’ as Jisung said, in such circumstances?

While he’s paying for the mug his brain is turning all the gears trying to figure out what’s next. He barely talked to the guy. He just walked in with the alibi of buying a mug, just so he can see this guy he knows absolutely nothing about, like some weirdo. This isn’t good, he needs to come up with something, or there goes his chance. But isn’t it too early to try? He doesn’t even know if the guy is interested in, well, guys. But then again, he can’t just go ‘Are you gay?’ out of nowhere, that would be weird.

“Do you work here?” he blurts out, regretting it immediately. _What the fuck was that about_ , he curses at himself, wishing for the earth to swallow him immediately.

The guy is trying to hide his amusement by biting his lip, then hiding half of his face behind his hands and eventually – when that isn’t effective enough – looking away, but his shoulders are a tell that he’s laughing.

“I mean-” Chan rushes to correct himself, face heating up in embarrassment. “Do you _do all the_ work here? That’s what I meant to ask! I just stumbled over a few words!”

“I see,” the guy is still laughing.

“Yes, please go ahead and laugh at me, and make sure to tell all your friends about it!” If there’s ever a perfect opportunity to be hit by a car it’s probably this one. He’ll never redeem himself after this, he might as well just leave the whole country.

The guy takes a deep breath to stop. “I’m sorry this was very rude of me! To answer the question, I mostly do all the work here, yeah. I have some part-time help, a friend of mine works here but he’s in college so that’s his main focus. He paints and glazes things mostly.”

“I see. Well you’re probably working really hard then?”

“Yeah you could say that I guess… Not that I get so many customers though, as you’d expect the art of pottery and ceramics isn’t really well appreciated by the average person!”

“Oh, right…”

“Anyway, can I help you with anything else?”

 _Yeah, give me your number please._ “No, I’m good. Thanks!”

“Alright! Goodbye then!”

“Yeah, bye!”

Overall, his second time meeting the pottery shop guy wasn’t half as successful as it was embarrassing, but Chan isn’t about to give up. Not yet at least.

~♡~

The next time he drops by he has a plan. Not necessarily a very good plan, but a plan is a plan. He won’t embarrass himself this time, that’s for sure. He couldn’t really style his hair that morning, which was a bit of a setback, but nothing a beanie can’t fix. But at least he found his best black hoodie. Maybe he should have chosen a black cardigan to switch thing up a little… maybe next time.

He walks to a nearby café first to buy an iced latte, takes a few seconds to gather his thoughts then goes straight to the pottery shop.

“Hello!”

This time the guy happens to be in the shop area when he enters, and he immediately looks up from whatever he’s doing. “Oh, hi! You again!”

“Me again!” Chan nods.

The guy is wearing a light blue shirt this time, and long dangly earrings that just now make Chan realise his ears are pierced. His apron is a different one as well, with presumably his name embroidered on it: _Minho_. This will make it a bit easier for Chan.

“How can I help you today? Was anything wrong with the mug last time?”

“Oh no, it’s not that! I’m here to buy another mug actually.”

“Really?” The guy – Minho – seems to seriously doubt his intentions. He leans back against the wall and takes a good look at Chan. There’s a sharp look in his eyes, but eventually his lips turn to a soft smile. “Anything specific in mind?”

“Yes actually, some big mug for coffee.”

Minho thinks about it for a second before leaving to the backroom and retuning with a cereal bowl sized dark blue mug with little white stars on it. “Big enough?” He grins, clearly mocking him a bit, but Chan is not about to back down.

“It’ll do!” He says, also hiding a smile.

He pays then watches Minho move some paper to get to the box he has instead of a cash register. Old fashioned, but Chan thinks it’s also kind of cute. Minho seems to have really steady hands and careful movements, which makes sense, considering he works with ceramics. He doesn’t slam the box shut, he closes it without the smallest noise.

“Do you prefer coffee or tea?”

“Pardon?” Minho looks up, mild confusion on his face.

“I’m just making small talk. Do you prefer coffee or tea?”

“I prefer getting back to work on time!” He says carefully, with a somewhat apologetic, somewhat distant look.

Chan seems to have no luck with his words this time either. He admits defeat though, stepping back a little, ready to leave. “Of course. Forget I asked! Have a nice day!” He says, then leaves after a polite smile.

“Bye!”

~♡~

The next time he’s wearing a cardigan as planned, and his hair isn’t covered either. He walks to the pottery shop, takes a minute to gather his thoughts and steps in confidently. This time he says he’s looking for a teacup with a matching saucer. Does he ever use teacups? No. Is it too late to start now? Also no!

Minho doesn’t question him this time. He’s wearing a striped shirt, this time green on white, and matching green earrings. He picks out a black teacup with white geometric designs, which is a nice blend of classical and modern.

“I prefer tea.”

Chan almost doesn’t hear him over his own racing thoughts. “Hm?”

“Last time you asked if I prefer tea or coffee. I prefer tea,” he repeats casually, while arranging some flowerpots on a shelf. “Coffee is a little too much for me, but if I’m really tired, I don’t mind an americano. You?”

Chan hides a triumphant smile. He shouldn’t get too excited about this, that would be weird. “I prefer coffee, but I drink too much of it, so I’m trying to convert to tea, for my health.”

Minho gives an agreeing hum. “Well I hope this teacup will help motivate you then!”

“I hope so too!”

~♡~

The next two times Chan manages to make more successful small talks. First, he finds out what music Minho likes – it’s classical – then he also learns that Minho not only doesn’t listen to contemporary singers of any kind, he also doesn’t keep up with pop culture news. Which is very lucky for Chan, because the chances of Minho figuring out who he is are even smaller this way.

He also finds out that Minho has three cats, he lives alone and doesn’t have a lot of friends. In return Chan also tells him a bit about himself – he also lives alone, and he doesn’t have a lot of friends either, but he used to have a dog when he was younger.

Minho also mentions that he loves reading in his free time, and that he especially loves krimis, so Chan tells him that he’s more of a movie person and especially prefers romantic movies. Which Minho deems surprising, but as he says, ‘in a good way’.

It’s the fifth time he goes back to the shop in a little more than two weeks after buying the mug for Changbin, when Minho says “I really like when my mugs sell well, but you know you don’t have to keep buying mugs just to talk to me, right?”

Chan freezes for a second. “I… well…” He’s not sure what direction his answer should be pointing to. In the few times he met Minho he came to the conclusion that he doesn’t seem like someone that can be just be asked on a date casually. He most likely has to build it up slowly before suggesting an actual date. But now he’s in direct confrontation.

“Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand it!” Minho continues. “Neither of us has a lot of friends, and we seem to have things in common, I wouldn’t mind being friends… Unless I’m misreading something?”

“Oh… Oh! No, you read it exactly right! I just didn’t really know how to make friends I guess… haven’t really tried since high school!” He’s rambling a bit, but it probably doesn’t seem suspicious. He’s telling the truth after all, he really didn’t make any new friends since Changbin, and even that was initiated by the younger. But either way being friends with Minho would be a nice step forward even it doesn’t move on from there.

“Alright.”

Yeah, cool.”

“So…”

“Yeah?”

“Since we’re ‘friends’ now,” Minho starts, leaning on a shelf with one arm. “Would you mind telling me your name? I mean you called me on my name last time you were here, I assume you saw it on my apron… But I don’t really know yours!”

Chan freezes for the second time that day… His name. He didn’t think about it before. If he gives Minho his real name, one Google search could reveal that he’s CB97, and the whole point is to keep that a secret. He has to say something though, and he has to reply quickly, or he’ll seem suspicious, after all it shouldn’t take someone this much time to tell their own name.

“Chris. It’s-… My name is Chris. Yeah,” he finally says, using his English name last minute. It shouldn’t be risky, since he makes sure to keep information like this a secret from fans. He gives himself a mental pat on the back for the smart decision.

“Oh! That’s not very Korean. Are you a foreigner?”

“Yeah but I’ve been living here since high school, and before that I used to visit my grandparents here for times a year, so I feel pretty native,” he chuckles a bit awkwardly.

“Where are you from?”

 _Well fuck_. Should he say Australia or lie about this too? That is something his fans know, however without his name it doesn’t really worth much, does it? Still he concludes it’s better not to risk it, even if he feels a bit silly saying “Canada.” And he’s really hoping Minho won’t have any questions about what it’s like to live there, because lord knows he’s never even visited, not even on tour.

“Oh cool… well then. Feel free to drop by, without actually buying a mug, okay?”

Chan sighs, feeling like a hand around his neck suddenly let go. He’s not used to lying so it stresses him out more than expected. “Okay! See you around then!”

“Yeah, see you!” Minho smiles and waves a little before turning back to paperwork.

 _Was this really the right decision? I just lied to his face…_ Chan wonders, while walking back to his studio. On one hand he finally made some progress in getting closer to Minho, but on the other hand he also lied to him, about none other than his identity. But it shouldn’t be too big of deal if he doesn’t get into too many lies and eventually tells him the truth, right?

~♡~

In the following weeks they start meeting up as friends. Chan drops by to the pottery shop at first at random times, then eventually they fall into the routine of Thursday afternoons, since that’s when Minho has the least work, but Chan still drops by for lunch breaks some other time too on occasion.

Sometimes they just sit in Minho’s shop during his lunch break and have a little chat, sometimes they walk over to the little café, where they proceed to get into a fight over who pays, which started by one time Minho forgetting his wallet at home and Chan refusing to let him pay it back the next time.

The time they spend together seem to fly fast. Despite their lives being very different they have a lot to talk about, such as books, movies, their asshole friends – without either of them naming any names from politeness – hobbies and in general random things that come to mind.

He finds out this way that Minho started learning pottery from his grandma when he was still in kindergarten and opened his own pottery shop fresh out of college. He likes music without lyrics cause it would only distract him, his favourite season is winter and his favourite colours are beige and light blue. His friend group consists of four people including him, and they gather to watch some movies together every once in a while, which is the sole reason Minho also knows a lot of movies Chan talks about.

Minho talks about his cats too, and Chan can’t get over how cute he looks talking about them with so much love, then getting embarrassed after realising he spent thirty minutes ranting about his cats. Naturally, Chan tells him he doesn’t mind listening, before they move over to the next topic.

It’s very easy to keep a conversation going with Minho. He keeps just the right amount of eye contact, gives reaction to what Chan says without interrupting his thought process every second, but also isn’t afraid to speak his opinion in an honest and collected way, without Chan having to specifically ask him for it.

But even when they go silent for a bit it isn’t awkward, instead quite comfortable. In fact, sometimes they just sit in silence next to each other, enjoying the autumn sun outside the café. It’s relaxing, and for once Chan doesn’t feel like he’s wasting time while not doing anything.

And of course, aside from being a great conversation partner, Minho just happens to be insanely handsome with a great sense of fashion as well. His hair is always styled but still looks natural, and his outfits are always colour coordinated, with little accessories tying the look together. As the weather gets colder, he starts wearing berets and knitted sweaters, and it just makes him look even more soft.

And even though one time they even talk about their bad habits and annoying traits, Chan still can’t shake off the thought that Minho seems literally perfect in every way. _What am I even doing? He’s way out of my league!_

“And then he had the audacity to ask for a refund, as if he didn’t just drop the plate right in front of my eyes, like what the fuck did he-… Chris? You okay?”

“Hm?” He looks up from his teacup to make eye contact with a slightly concerned Minho. They are sitting in the backroom of the pottery shop, due to the heavy rain outside. They planned to go get coffee but instead they settled for Minho making tea. “Oh sorry, I wasn’t listening! Got lost in my thoughts I guess…”

“I noticed that... But are you okay? You look a bit tired.”

To tell the truth Chan is in fact tired. Tired of lying, to be precise. The past few weeks his initial lie was followed by more and more lies to make the first ones more believable and to further hide the truth. By now he lied about his name, his home country, his college degree and occupation – he said he majored in art-history, and is now a free-lancer, trying to figure out where his life is heading – and other such things.

In his defence he tried his best to make sure the lies stay close to the truth. His mother is an oil painter so he’s familiar with the world of paintings and he did actually consider art-history at some point as a plan B in case music doesn’t work out. But no matter how simple he keeps the lies, he still feels guilty about lying to Minho.

Especially as their conversations shift to more honest, maybe even deeper topics. When Minho told him about how much he doubted people will ever be even half as interested in his ceramics as he needs it to keep the shop running, Chan struggled to not let his inner turmoil show. Minho was honest about everything from small things in his daily life, to bigger past struggles, yet Chan couldn’t even tell him his name.

“I’m fine. Just didn’t sleep well last night, I guess…” He slightly winces at the thought of lying again.

“Do you wanna talk about it? About whatever is keeping you up like that.”

 _Gosh, why does he have to be an actual angel!?_ Chan is about ready to cry from frustration. Minho is looking at him with this soft warm gaze, patiently waiting for his reply, not trying to push him into a conversation he doesn’t want but showing him he’s there to listen if needed. It’s doing the opposite though, because now Chan feels even more pressure to tell him everything.

But there’s no way he can just tell him ‘I’ve been lying all this time’ out of the blue. He knew eventually he will have to come clean, but this is not the right time. Besides, he needs a plan for that.

“It’s not-… I just… It’s better if I don’t.”

“Okay. I understand.” Minho says with a reassuring smile and a hand gently on his arm. “Do you wanna talk about something else? To avoid getting lost in your thoughts again?”

“Maybe,” Chan mutters, barely even considering his words. “Or maybe we could stay like this and I could get lost in your eyes instead!” He’s been flirting with Minho like this for a while, brushing it off as a joke between friends, and received similar comments from him in return.

Minho chokes back a laugh and rolls his eyes with a fake annoyed groan. “Ah that was so cheesy!” His hand leaves from Chan’s arm, and he’s leaning back in his chair again. “Chris you’re the fucking worst,” he adds, actually laughing this time, and Chan almost misses how the tip of his ears are a little red.

Just hearing Minho call him ‘Chris’ makes him feel painfully guilty. Maybe he really should talk about it… Just maybe not with Minho.

~♡~

“You’re out of your mind!”

Chan can’t help but agree with Changbin this time. He just finished explaining the Minho situation to him, after barging into his studio at six in the afternoon, in desperate need of advice, or the very least a pair of ears to listen. This is exactly what he expected to hear from his friend.

“I know I kinda fucked it up…”

“Kinda? Chan you lied to him about your whole identity, you gave a fake name and occupation and all that shit you listed! This is what con artists do before they steal someone’s money and information!”

Chan looks down at his hands, twisting the rings on his finger, as a form of distraction. Putting it like that really highlights what an awful person he is for lying, but it’s not like this is the first time he realises it. He has his baseball cap on, and still refuses to look up, so he can only see Changbin’s feet as the other paces back and forth in the room.

“You know when I said this could be a good chance for you to make a good first impression on him, I didn’t think you’d take it this far.”

He would like to reply, but he can’t.

“I mean damn, what are you doing this for? You’re a nice guy, and if he’s even half as amazing as you describe him, he would have understood the whole celebrity thing without making it a big deal… But now?”

Chan takes a deep breath and rubs his face to wake his thoughts up again. “I _know_ , okay? I know I messed up big time!”

Changbin grabs the opportunity of Chan looking up again to make eye contact. He doesn’t seem too angry, just mildly frustrated and probably more worried about Chan than anything else. “What are you gonna do when he finds out from someone?”

“I was just… kinda hoping he won’t?” Before even finishing that sentence he’s already embarrassed about how stupid that sounds.

“You can’t build a relationship on lies!”

“I know! I didn’t mean to take it this far, I just wanted to win a week or two more and then I would have told him the truth, but then he asked questions and I wasn’t ready yet so I lied more, and now I don’t know how to tell him the truth!”

The sharp look in Changbin’s eyes seems to be disappearing. He sighs and shakes his head before walking over to Chan and putting a hand on his shoulder. “I understand, yeah? I’ve been here for a while, I’ve seen how it ended with some of your exes… But if he’s as amazing as you say, he won’t be like that! I understand why you’re scared that he’ll treat you differently, but I really believe he won’t.”

It takes effort to not start crying from the sheer frustration and disappointment Chan feels towards himself. “But now that I lied to him, he might get the wrong idea… he could be really mad at me for it! He _should_ be.”

“Well yeah, but the sooner you tell him, the higher the chances of him forgiving you.”

And of course, Changbin has a point. A very good point in fact. But it doesn’t seem as easy as he makes it sounds like. He can’t just go up to Minho and tell him he’s been lying to him all this time, after about one and a half month of meeting up more than two times a week for recently quite deep conversations. He needs to wait a bit more and find a perfect opportunity to tell him, or he could ruin everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit "one sided" but the next will be from Minho's POV!


	3. Chapter 3

**[Minho’s POV]**

"So, what’s up with your boyfriend?"

"Seungmin is not my boyfriend."

"But he buys you lunch!"

As usual Hyunjin and Jeongin are at it again only a few minutes after Hyunjin and Felix drops by to the pottery shop for some muffins (provided by Felix) and some tea. Since Jeongin was finally back to work, Minho was less busy and therefore less stressed, not to mention their little group was together again, able to meet up without anybody having to go out of their way for it. As much as he doesn’t show it, Minho loves these occasions.

"Felix also buys me lunch!"

"Felix buys everyone lunch!"

For the most part at least. Although it’s refreshing to see someone else being bullied about their love life, instead of him, it gets boring pretty fast and then it’s just plain annoying. Still he watches curiously as Hyunjin leans over the back of a chair, trying to make eye contact with Jeongin, who’s busy painting a mug thus not even glancing up to say:

"How are you so sure Seungmin doesn’t?"

"He doesn’t seem like it!"

"You met him like twice!"

"But I also stalked his Instagram!"

At that Jeongin finally looks up, adding an annoyed groan too. "Oh my God, what is up with you and Felix stalking people's crushes!?"

At that Hyunjin wastes no time jumping up with a triumphant yell: "SO, YOU ADMIT YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON HIM!"

"MINHO PLEASE TELL HYUNJIN TO LEAVE!"

That’s his que to speak. “Hyunjin I will bake you with the next batch of teacups,” he says calmly, but still intimidatingly in his own way. It’s not some talent he was born with, it’s a skill he developed through years of hard work in middle school, when he decided he doesn’t like having too many people around. _And some things just never change!_

Hyunjin immediately drops the topic in favour of pouting and whining like a five-year-old. “Why are you always trying to bully me!? What did I ever do to you? Nothing! I’m innocent! A literal angel!”

“Well then let’s say I’m an actual demon! That answers your question?” Minho shoots him a devilish grin, before returning to stirring his tea. He normally doesn’t stop his work, only because his friends are here, but they arrived fifteen minutes before his lunch break, so he decided he might as well just start the break early. _Oh shoot, the time!_ He glances at the clock on the wall, only to see he’s supposed to be on his way already. “Damn it!”

“What?” Felix, who’s sitting next to him on the small couch – very gayly, Minho notices, whishing he would at least take his shoes off before putting his legs on the furniture – looks up in confusion as his always calm and collected friend finishes half a cup of tea in one gulp then hurries to wash his mug while cursing quietly under his breath.

“I’m gonna be late… Cross that, I already am!”

“Oooh, another date with the Mystery Guy?” Felix grins, even wiggling his eyebrows a little. Minho feels like he really hates him sometimes.

“Stop calling him that! And I already told you he’s just a friend!”

“I’ll stop calling him that when you tell me his name… And I already told you I’m not buying your lies! I’m not dumb!”

Minho decides to ignore him, instead checking his bag to make sure he has both his phone and wallet, re-tying his shoes and reaching for his coat. November started colder than expected this year, and he isn’t about to catch a cold.

However, the lack of responses doesn’t stop Felix from talking. “That guy is all you think about lately and based on your extreme bad luck regarding men – based on your past relationships – I’m worried you might get played! I just wanna prevent you from getting heartbroken again! I only wanna know his name, I’m not gonna stalk him or anything!”

Minho takes another quick look at the time and adjusts his scarf. “I’m not an idiot, I’m fully aware you’re gonna stalk him on every social media possible! And what are you on, I was never heartbroken! Men ain’t shit, I was just pretending so you’d bring me free food from the bakery…” It’s probably one of the weakest lies he’s ever told, but it’s not like he has time to come up with something clever. “And don’t act like you know what I’m _thinking_ about, I’ll have you know I think about a lot of things and no man makes it into the top ten!”

Luckily for everyone, before Felix could reply Jeongin interjects. “You’ll be back as usual?”

“Yeah, just a few hours! Keep the shop running until then!”

And with that Minho hurries out the door, avoiding any possible further debates. He doesn’t quite run per se – he doesn’t want to look like a dishevelled mess by the time he arrives – but he does put a little more speed behind his steps. Despite how put together he seems, punctuality is pure luck in his case. Sometimes he’s on time, sometimes ten minutes late, regardless of the occasion. It normally doesn’t bother him, but he will definitely feel bad about making Chris wait again.

In his defence it was not his fault last time, a customer just wasn’t able to decide between a green and slightly blueish green vase.

It’s a recent development that him and Chris are meeting up at places other than Minho’s shop and the café in the street. It was his own idea, after realising there’s no way he can avoid his friends running into Chris, now that Jeongin is back to work making the other two also more tempted to come over during their respective lunch breaks and free periods.

And letting his friends meet his “Mystery Guy” – as Felix started referring to him – is something Minho has to prevent at all costs. Not that he’s embarrassed about either side, he loves his friends and, well, Chris is… _Chris. Let’s just stop at that._ But he can’t risk Felix making things awkward by stalking the poor guy online – and, God knows, maybe offline too – then possibly proceeding to make weird commentaries to him about Minho and exposing Minho for things like having emotions. _I cried on a movie one time, ONE fucking time, and he doesn’t let me forget about it, the little bitch!_

So, they agreed to meet up elsewhere, which no it definitely does not make it feel like a date, Minho is not catching feelings, never – or at least that’s what he tells himself.

In reality, spending time with Chris became the highlight of his weeks. At first, he was sceptical about the guy, but he seemed friendly and honest and he was easy to fluster but also good at replying in an equally flirty way. And Minho was bored so he thought Chris could be entertaining to have around. Plus, he hasn’t really made new friends in a while, so it was time to step out of his comfort zone again. But after a while meeting up with Chris stopped being a time-filler and became a much-anticipated part of his week.

They always met up at his shop except the few times they went to get coffee together. It was nice to just sit in the backroom and talk about random things. Minho himself didn’t know he had so many thoughts in his head until he had the opportunity to talk about them. Chris never questioned where the topics came from or what was even the purpose of the conversation, he just went along with it, or pulled up an even more random topic.

And as much as Minho enjoyed listening to Chris sharing his thoughts on the most abstract topics, he even more just enjoyed seeing him move his hands around and changing his position in the chair every other minute while talking, laughing awkwardly at losing the main line of thought they were following. Chris was just as calm and collected as Minho, but when he got really into a topic, his movements became more animated, which resulted in him almost spilling coffee on Minho one time.

And maybe Minho just likes seeing him smile. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s a totally platonic feeling, nobody wants their friends to look mad after all! Especially if the friend in question has dimples like that…

Not much changed after they started meeting up elsewhere either. They didn’t become any less random in terms of conversations, except this time they started being random in other ways too, such as Minho making decisions on a whim about for example wanting to go to the cinema, which resulted in them annoying the hell out of a group of teenagers by laughing a little too loud at a horror movie.

Only in retrospect did Minho realise Chris wasn’t actually laughing at the movie like Minho, but more like at Minho’s little commentaries and reactions. Which made him oddly proud about making the other laugh like that. And yes, he wasn’t the tiniest bit guilty about ruining the movie for those kids. ‘They didn’t even look eighteen, why were they watching a horror movie to begin with!’ Minho explained his logic to Chris afterwards on their way to the bus stop where they parted ways.

He’s almost at the designated meeting place when he spots Chris across the street. He’s wearing a full black outfit again – as always – consisting of black boots, black jeans, and on top a leather jacket with a soft-looking cardigan and- “Is that a crop top!?” He asks, before even saying hi, which clearly takes Chris by surprise.

“Uh… yeah?” He looks nervous, hands disappearing under the cardigan’s slightly too long sleeve.

“Are you out of your mind!?”

Chris’ shoulders slump forward the tiniest bit. “Is that a problem…?”

And that’s when Minho makes the connection between the tone of his voice and the situation. “Wait no, that’s not-… I’m so sorry? You look good and whatever, I was just shocked because it’s literally less than ten degrees, are you trying to catch a cold!? Zip the damn jacket up, I wanna meet up with you next week too and not in a hospital!!”

Chris is silent for a quick second, before he starts laughing. “Right, right, you have a point!” He zips his jacket up, before starting to walk towards the little café he planned to show Minho this week.

Minho sighs and shakes his head, adjusting to the other’s walking speed. “I can’t believe you thought I would-”

“It’s not my fault, okay?” Chris quickly interjects, awkwardly fixing his beanie to give his hands something to do. Maybe Minho wouldn’t mind holding his hand… platonically of course. Just to give his hands something to do. Nothing romantic here. _Wouldn’t be the first time..._

He would also love to fix his beanie for him, or perhaps just take it off his head and run his hand through his hair… to check if it’s really as dry as it looks, because god knows his hair looks absolutely fried, and Minho is not interested in a relationship.

But if he would be – in a completely hypothetical scenario – he would probably think that Chris is very attractive. Exactly Minho’s type, with his tough-guy looks – consisting of his full black outfits, a few tattoos and some rings accentuating his very attractive hands – paired with a gentle and sweet personality, completely lacking any signs of toxic masculinity so common among Minho’s exes.

But Minho is not catching feelings of course. Not even when Chris’s cheeks and nose look slightly pink from the cold wind, adding the missing colour to his entire being.

“…you know?”

 _Oh, heck I have no idea what he was talking about!_ “Uh…” He tries to be as little awkward about it as possible, but he’s feeling guilty for not paying attention and it doesn’t really help him sound confident. “Could you repeat that? Sorry!”

Chris chuckles and starts again without any negative reaction. “I just said my friends sort of overreact the whole idea of me meeting new people!”

Now that’s something Minho can relate to, immediately rolling his eyes accompanied by a frustrated sigh. “Tell me about it!”

“I just did.”

“Oh, right, I’m so sorry!!” He’s about to feel really embarrassed, but right then Chris starts laughing. Minho rolls his eyes. “It’s not funny, I feel bad! I was late and then I didn’t even pay attention to what you said!”

“Imagine doing that to your best friend after forgetting his birthday… cause I did that once! This is nothing compared to that!”

“Oh thank god, I’m still the better person from the two of us then!”

“Hey!”

Minho expects Chris to reply something more, maybe some similar insult or maybe an attempt at flirting, but none of that happens. There’s just silence. So, he looks to the side only to see Chris pouting at him. Minho’s brain pretty much short circuits. “The hell are you doing?”

Chris almost chokes on a laugh. “Okay this didn’t work! You’re the cute friend anyway, not me!”

“Huh?” _Did he never look in the mirror? Hello boy, you’re like a Greek god!_

“You know what people say… _I ain’t never seen two pretty best friends, one of them always gotta be ugly!_ ” He’s holding a laugh back, and the only reason why Minho even knows what he’s talking about is because Felix already explained that one to him once.

“What do people say about boyfriends though?” He winks, acting cool, but his heart is pounding like crazy. It isn’t supposed to do that, he’s supposed to feel completely calm, but lately trying to flirt with Chris has been making him feel just as flustered as Chris looked. “Nah we’re far from best friends anyway, so we’re safe from either of us being ugly, I think. Look isn’t this the café you mentioned?”

_Very smooth, Minho, good job._

While they’re ordering their coffees, Minho manages to collect his thoughts and calm his racing heart. After all he’s just hanging out with a friend that he absolutely doesn’t have a crush on. Nothing to be nervous about.

Everything goes smoothly after that. They drink their coffee, Minho eats a slice of cheesecake because Chris said that according to his friend it’s really good – apparently his friend is not wrong – and they talk about random topics as usual. Chris asks him about work so he tells a few stories about interesting costumers, and shows some photos of custom orders he finished, then asks him in return about his physical health, after remembering Chris has been complaining about shoulder pain the last time.

He laughs at his sports injury story and tells him about the time he hurt his back trying to lift a slightly too heavy box from a bad angle. They talk about the weather too, and that Chris is planning on visiting his family in Canada for the holidays, before getting side-tracked and talking about their shared love of theatre.

After coffee they go on a walk as usual. Minho spends a lot of time sitting in one place due to his work so it’s nice to move his legs a bit, not to mention the sky is clearing up a little after being grey all morning. Maybe the wind is easing away a bit too. They’re almost at the spot where they say goodbye – which usually takes another half an hour – and agree on next week’s meeting place, when Minho sees something from the corner of his eyes and stops so suddenly he almost stumbles over his feet.

Chris also stops and turns around immediately. “You okay?” Maybe Minho thinks it’s a little cute that his first concern is whether Minho is okay or not, but he dismisses that thought by coming to the conclusion that the bar is just really low. _I mean Jeongin wouldn’t be concerned for me like ever, I just need better friends, that’s it!_

“Do you wanna go bowling?” He asks as he nods towards the sign across the road.

“Next week?”

“No, like… right now? But if you’re busy I-”

“No! I’m not busy I mean… Sure I’d love to!”

“Cool, let’s go!” Minho allows himself a small smile, then grabs Chris by the sleeve of his jacket and starts pulling him towards the crosswalk and to the other side of the street.

“Didn’t you say you hate ‘bowling and such things’ though?” Chris asks, half-laughing while picking the pace up and sliding his hand in Minho’s to get him to let go of his jacket. “You seem awfully excited about bowling now!”

“Yeah well… I like trying new things?” Minho is fully aware that some friends just hold hands casually and platonically – after all he experienced that in person, due to being friends with Felix – and this isn’t even the first time they’re holding hands, yet it still makes him blush. At least he can blame it on the weather.

So, he gives a second chance to bowling. The first time he tried it it was on a date with a guy who later ended up cheating on him. It was boring, the guy insisted so much on teaching Minho and correcting his mistakes that it felt more like high school math tutoring than a date. Not to mention that when he stopped the tutorials, he switched to being way overcompetitive, laughed at Minho a little too much after every gutter ball and rolled his eyes at every occasional lucky strike.

The second time he tried bowling wasn’t half as bad, he went with his friends when they decided that’s how they want to celebrate Jeongin’s birthday that year. But the bowling place they went to that time had too much colourful neon lights and the music was slightly too loud as well, which didn’t make it easy for an introvert like Minho to spend time with a group of people while simultaneously also playing a game. So that time he ended up mostly just watching.

But this time the place seems nice, it’s half empty, the music is quiet and overall, it seems like it could go well. They change into bowling shoes, and Chris takes his jacket and cardigan off, effectively reminding Minho of the crop top, which yes, it looks very good on him.

Chris asks him if he tried bowling before, then offers to help if he has any questions, which Minho greatly appreciates. It’s not overwhelming, he doesn’t insist on teaching him, but he still makes it obvious he’s there to help if needed. But it hopefully won’t be needed, considering that bowling is a very simple game… just throw the ball, that’s it.

However, compared to how easy it seems, Minho makes a lot of mistakes at first. Gutter balls, dropping the ball backwards or letting go of it too early are just some examples. One time it goes too slow and stops before reaching the pins, and one time he lets go of it too late and it flies up a bit before landing with an unexpectedly loud noise.

And Chris laughs at his little mistakes, but not in a mean way like his ex. He laughs a little then immediately gives a little tip or a simple “You’ll get the next one!” while patting his shoulder or giving him a friendly half-hug. It makes it easier for Minho to laugh it off and try again, and it also makes it easier to laugh at Chris whenever he messes up. Which starts happening more and more as the game goes on.

But Chris is not a sore loser, and he doesn’t hesitate to congratulate Minho at the end of their final round when thanks to a few lucky strikes Minho wins by five points.

“Let’s eat something, I’m starving!”

They’re changing back into their own shoes, when Chris says that, and that’s when Minho realises, he is in fact hungry as well. “Okay. Where?”

“I know a place. It’s like Subway but with noodles, you can customize your order completely.”

“Sounds nice!”

So, they walk a few streets to get food, this time in comfortable silence. Minho appreciates it, as it gives him an opportunity to recharge after all the excitement of enjoying something so out of his comfort zone as bowling for the first time. He needs to just enjoy the sounds of the city while his mind comprehends what just happened.

His hands are cold, so he puts them in his coat pockets. He wouldn’t mind holding Chris’ hand again, but he doesn’t know how to initiate that, without making it weird. Unless… “Give me one of your stupid warm hands!” He says out of nowhere, holding out a hand towards Chris.

“What?” The blonde is clearly taken off guard, but he doesn’t seem to be weirded out, just confused.

Minho grabs his hand instead of an explanation and links their fingers together. “My hands are freezing, and your hands are always warm for no reason, so help me out!”

“Okay,” Chris says, probably smiling a little, but Minho doesn’t have the guts to fully turn towards him.

They walk the rest of the way like that, then Chris offers to pay for the food, considering last time Minho payed for the movie tickets. For once Minho lets him without getting into a debate, and it’s definitely not because he’s distracted by the fact that they are still holding hands.

After ordering they still don’t talk much while waiting for their food. Chris seems to be really thinking about something specific and Minho is still trying to be thinking about anything coherent, so it isn’t a problem for either of them. _I’m just tired, that’s it, that explains everything, I just need to recharge._

They’re still silent as they start to eat, but eventually a conversation starts again, this time about some nature documentary Chris saw about giraffes the other day. Which might seem like a weird topic to randomly discuss over dinner, but they had weirder conversations before. The topics come and go after that, until eventually Minho looks at his watch and realises, he should be on his way home already if he wants to feed his cats on time. Which he definitely intends on doing, after all no man is more important than Soonie Doongi and Dori!

Chris walks him back to their usual spot, but they keep their conversation going for a little more. It’s dark outside now – and Minho is glad he was smart enough to text Jeongin he won’t be back in time to close the shop – but the various lights belonging to shops and streetlamps keep things comfortably visible. The sounds of traffic is a little annoying, but he’s able to tone it out completely.

Which proves to be a bad idea when he doesn’t hear the biker going past a little too close to him. Luckily Chris pays attention and he gently pulls Minho out of the way – and consequently towards himself – by the arm. It’s not a drama-like scene, the biker probably would have passed Minho safely without problem anyway, it was just cautiousness, and the action wasn’t as sudden and dramatic either, more like urging him to move out of the way, instead of actually pulling him.

But that thought doesn’t make Minho’s heartbeat any calmer when they’re standing a little too close, just staring into each other’s eyes because Minho has no idea what to do now. He’s frozen, and his mind ran out of coherent thoughts to think, not only about the situation but about Chris in general. He glances down at his lips with no actual intent, just on reflex, then back at his eyes.

Chris hesitates, the tension grows, and Minho is not prepared for this scenario. He’s disoriented by his conflicting thoughts and feelings, and just as he’s about to turn away before he does something he’ll regret, Chris takes a step back. “Sorry,” he mutters, forcing out an awkward chuckle too. “That guy was definitely over the speed limit, huh?”

It takes Minho a few seconds to collect his thoughts and understand what he’s talking about. “Oh… Yeah, I guess.”

“So… same time next week?”

“Works for me!”

“Okay!”

“Okay.”

It’s evident that Chris wants to say something, but he seems unsure about it, and Minho doesn’t even have the emotional and mental capacity to _want_ to decipher what it could be, let alone to actually _try_ to. It doesn’t seem important anyway, when Chris eventually just offers a friendly smile and a quick half hug. “See you next week then, bye!”

“Bye Chris!” Minho nods, standing at the same spot a few minutes more after the blonde leaves. When he finally starts walking home, he fishes his phone out of his bag, immediately starting a call. “Felix? We have to talk, right now!”

\------♡------

**[Felix’s POV]**

When Minho’s reply to his “Is something wrong?” question over the phone was “Maybe.” Felix wasn’t sure what to think. He couldn’t really hear any signs of major negative emotions on his voice, but he did sound a little… scared? Either way he put his shoes on and jogged over to Minho’s house immediately.

He was done with dinner and Hyunjin was out with a group of friends from college anyway, so it’s not like he had anything better to do, and even if he had, he would have dropped it for such a close friend as Minho.

When Minho opens the door on the first knock, he seems to have already took his make-up off and changed into more comfortable home-clothes. He made tea as well, so only a few minutes later they’re sitting on the couch, with a mug each, and one of Minho’s cats lying between them. Felix always confused Soonie and Doongi so he wasn’t about to guess which one it was and instead just watched Minho petting the cat, waiting for him to start speaking.

“So… I called you over.”

“And I came over. You said something’s wrong?”

“Maybe,” Minho sighs, and puts his mug on the coffee table. He picks the cat up and sits him on his lap, continuing to pet his head. Soonie (or Doongi?) doesn’t even open his eyes for the movement, but now starts purring quietly. “I mentioned the guy I met recently, right?”

The wording is overly careful, especially considering that he not only mentioned but talked quite a lot about the guy – to the point that Felix even nicknamed him Mystery Guy – and they even had a little argument about him earlier that day. It makes Felix feel uneasy about the topic. Did he do something to Minho? Did he turn out to be an asshole? _If he did, I’ll murder him,_ he thinks, but all he says out loud is “Yeah.”

Minho nods to himself. His glasses sit a little low on his nose, but he doesn’t bother fixing them. He’s staring at the coffee table, his face is unreadable. Felix barely notices himself holding a breath. He rarely sees Minho being like this and it worries him a lot. Of course, Minho has always been a calm and quiet person, but something about his aura is just off this time.

“I think… I might like him? Like, you know… _like_ him.”

Felix can’t believe his ears. He could have been staring at Minho in disbelief for five minutes and he wouldn’t realise it, due to the amount of thoughts flashing in his mind. Minho has a crush on the Mystery Guy, as he expected. Minho has crush. But Minho has never been lucky at love so he could be up for another heartbreak and Felix knows it better than anyone how much that could affect Minho. On the other hand Minho could have just found true love, which is probably one of Felix’s biggest wishes, especially considering the above mentioned heartbreaks he witnessed.

“You called me here for _this_!?” He blurts out, still confusion in his voice.

“Well yeah, I-” Minho looks up, equally confused by Felix’s initial reaction, and he seems to be about to apologise, when Felix starts laughing, at which point his concern turns into an offended frown. “Hey! It’s not funny!”

“Oh my God, you said something’s wrong, I was so worried! And turns out you just have a _crush_!? Minho you’re absolutely ridiculous!”

“Ridiculous!? Excu-”

“No forreal, this is like good news! Why did you sound so scared? This just-… I’m happy, okay? You’re gonna get yourself a man, without even needing me to set you up with someone, that’s phenomenal!”

“Who said I’ll get me a man, huh?”

His smile drops immediately. “Don’t tell me you don’t plan on making a move…” Felix is confused once again. If nothing’s wrong and Minho has a crush on the guy, then isn’t it the next logical step to ask him on a date? Unless he’s straight or something, but Minho already mentioned the Mystery Guy is bi, so there should be no issues there.

Minho turns back towards the coffee table, dropping his shoulders a bit and continuing to pet Doongi (or Soonie?). “There _is_ something wrong, and it’s me catching feelings I’m not supposed to… He’s lowkey out of my league! Like have I mentioned he’s literally an angel? He’s just so kind and patient and his laugh is so cute, what the hell? That should be illegal! And the stupid goddamn dimples he has… He’s so smart too, like not in the book smart way – that’s boring anyway – but like general intelligence? Like we’re just talking, and he just understands stuff easily and explains stuff clearly, and _hello_ emotional intelligence too? What lottery did I win?? And he wore a crop top today, Felix, a _crop top_!!”

At this point Felix is beyond confused. He’s never seen Minho talk like this about anyone. He’s still staring at the coffee table, petting Soonie in a steady rhythm, but he’s rambling and his breathing speeds up a little, cheeks flushing slightly red. It doesn’t really look like a little crush, he looks like he’s in love, which would make sense… After all the horrible relationships he had, finding a man who’s nothing like that, definitely makes it seem reasonable to fall a little too fast. Especially since they’ve been meeting up regularly.

“I don’t even know what it is exactly that I like about him! Just everything! He’s so goddamn easy to get along with, he’s so sweet and handsome and intelligent, and he loves cats even though he says he’s more of a dog person! And we went bowling today… _Bowling!_ On my idea!! I don’t even know what made me wanna go bowling so randomly, but he was just like ‘okay’ and so we did, and it was the most fun I had in literal _months_! – No offence to our movie nights, you guys are great and all. – And his hands are so warm, and gentle, even though he has those strong-looking veiny hands, it’s just so unexpected!”

“Hey-hey stop, take a breath!” Felix quickly interjects, half laughing at Minho, half laughing to hide his worry. Minho already seems freaked out, no need to scare him even more with all the things that could go wrong. “Okay, I see now why I was needed here!”

“Thank you!”

“Yeah you look like you’re really in love this time.”

Minho raises a hand defensively, swearing that it’s just a small crush, but the pink on his cheeks tells a different story. It takes quite some time for Felix to talk some sense into him, and explain him that it’s okay to have feelings for someone like that – if he is really as good of a person as Minho describes, and it’s not just misinterpreted because of how extremely low his exes put the bar – and it’s okay to feel a little confused and worried.

They make some more tea, and Minho brings out some biscuits, but they barely touch those, especially Minho, who’s nervousness just doesn’t seem to be dissolving, no matter how reassuring and encouraging Felix tries to be. It’s clear he’s scared of such an unfamiliar situation as the one he’s in with the Mystery Guy. He’s afraid of rejection, no matter how much he denies it, and doubts his own worth at first.

It’s almost midnight when Felix thinks they talked enough. He gave his thoughts about the situation and about Minho’s concerns, and no matter how much he wants to, he can’t do anything more to help, aside from being there for Minho whatever the outcome may be.

“Thank you for listening to me! You’re really my closest friend, Felix!” Minho offers a small smile, as he’s standing by the door to see him out.

“It’s nothing. Call me if you need any more help, whenever!” He means it very seriously, if Minho called him at three in the morning, he still wouldn’t hesitate to come over.

“Thanks… and good night!”

“Yeah, you too. And Doongi too,” he adds petting the head of the cat Minho is currently holding, as one would hold a baby.

“That’s Soonie.”

“Oh… don’t look at me like that! How was I supposed to know!?”

“See this is why Doongi doesn’t like you!”

“Well maybe I don’t like Doongi either!”

“ _Bye_ , Felix!” And with that Minho slams the door in his face. But when he looks back from the bottom of the stairs, he can see Minho’s silhouette in the window keeping an eye on him – presumably until he disappears at corner – like he always does. Felix never asked why, but he assumes it has something to do with why he also always insists on them sending him a text when they get home after visiting him.

He can do nothing but hope Minho will be able to sort his feelings out, and make the right decision about the Mystery Guy.

~♡~

In Felix’s defence, despite what Minho says, he never actually stalked someone in any way aside from social media, and even that mostly only in connection with Minho’s crushes. He had a very good reason for it – namely Minho regularly picking the worst men in existence – so he didn’t feel bad about it anyway. In fact, it was proven to be useful multiple times!

But now Minho refuses to give him a name, and it’s unnerving, especially since this time Minho is even more in love than ever before. All he wants is to protect his friend, and if he tries to stop him from it, well then Felix has to get creative. He needs to think outside of the box and leave modern technology behind.

So, the logical step is following Minho when he goes on his next meet-up with the Mystery Guy.

He felt bad about it, and at first he even dismissed the idea as something ridiculous, but after the conversation he had with Minho last Thursday, he changed his mind. He has to do what he has to do.

And that’s how he ends up waiting at the corner on the opposite side of the street, wearing a coat he got from his mother three years ago but never actually wore, a hat he borrowed from Hyunjin, sunglasses and a mask. He doesn’t look suspicious or out of place at all, he just looks different from how he normally looks, after all the only person he needs to avoid being recognised by is Minho.

Minho steps out the shop at the exact time he did last Thursday. As usual he’s wearing his long brown coat and a beret that matches whatever sweater he’s wearing under the coat. Felix can’t see it from this distance but he also knows he’s wearing just a tiniest bit more makeup than he does on every other day of the week, and he probably took more time on his hair that morning than usually.

He follows Minho for a few streets, until he sees him stop next to a tree a few steps away from a bus stop. He stands there waiting for a few minutes, checking the time on his watch once.

After what feels like fifteen minutes, but in reality, is not more than five, a blonde guy dressed in all black approaches Minho. Felix tries to get closer, while staying hidden from Minho. He absolutely needs to see the guys face, otherwise he came here in vain. What he’ll achieve by seeing his face, he isn’t yet sure, but maybe he knows him! He has a lot of friends, it’s not unreasonable to assume he might have met Minho’s Mystery Guy before. 

The guy gives Minho a nicely arranged bouquet of flower – which as far as Felix knows he hasn’t done before – and Minho thanks him with a friendly hug. _I mean, flowers are a good start, he can’t be that bad!_

But when Felix finally gets close enough to see the guys face, he immediately freezes. _He can’t be…_ What he heard from Minho in connection with the guy’s looks matches up completely. The blonde hair, black clothes, the dimpled smile and even details like his rings.

But if he is Minho’s Mystery Guy, then nothing past the looks matches up, and it can mean either that Minho was lying to Felix, or that Minho himself was lied to. But Felix would have recognised if Minho was lying to him, and he saw no signs of it at all. And no matter how optimistic Felix is trying to be, he can’t deny the facts:

The Mystery Guy is not from Canada, he’s from Australia. He didn’t major in art history and he isn’t a freelancer, instead he majored in music production and is now a relatively famous rapper, singer and producer as CB97. And most importantly, his name isn’t Chris, but Chan.

He has no doubts, there’s no way he could be wrong, after all Minho’s Mystery Guy is none other than Felix’s high school best friend.

He quickly takes a step back and turns around. _What’s going on?_ The situation makes absolutely no sense to him. Why would Chan lie to Minho? Chan was never the type of person to play with people’s hearts in any way, and even more importantly he was never a liar. Yet clearly, he told some pretty big lies this time!

One thing is obvious, he can’t watch this. He can’t follow them any further, he already found out more than he wanted to. So, he starts walking back home, with only his thoughts faster than his feet. He can’t tell anyone about this, especially not Minho. At least not yet.

Not until he spoke to Chan to find out his reasons _. He has to have good reasons, otherwise he would never do something like this… right?_


	4. Chapter 4

**[Chan’s POV]**

If Chan had to rate his nervousness on a scale of one to ten, he would probably say ten-thousand. He had to tell Minho the truth and he had to do it now. Jisung and Changbin were right, he can’t keep trying to win him over with a fake identity, he needs to admit and explain everything and hope for the best.

It’s two in the afternoon but he’s been up since seven in the morning and didn’t get a lot of sleep before that either. He woke up tired and anxious, so he texted Changbin for outfit advice while he ate some breakfast and scrolled through Twitter. He wanted to show his best side to Minho, before potentially ruining all his chances.

He ended up wearing a black turtleneck he completely forgot he owns, and a proper black coat, instead of the usual leather or denim jacket options. He even polished his black boots for the occasion, before checking everything one last time and heading over to the flower shop Jisung works at, as his friend made him promise he’ll drop by before meeting up with Minho.

Jisung greets him with a quick but warm hug. He’s wearing a pastel rainbow striped hoodie, his reading glasses hanging on a chain around his neck so it’s always in arm’s reach. He tells Chan to wait by the register, then leaves to the back, returning with a bouquet of flowers. “Give him this! At least be a gentleman before possibly breaking his heart… and your own.”

“Thanks for being so reassuring, Ji!” Chan mocks him but takes the flowers and thanks him greatly. He should have thought about flowers himself, but it completely slipped his mind in his nervous state.

“You know I’m really just worried about you, okay? I said what I said, and I meant it: you messed up big time, and it’s really not fair against the guy… But you’re a good person and you deserve happiness, okay?” With that Jisung hugs him again, this time for a bit longer, gently patting his back too. “You got this.”

“I hope I do…”

“I _know_ you do. Just tell him up front!”

Chan can’t do more than promising he’ll try his best. He thanks his friend once again for the bouquet and the encouraging words, and promises he’ll drop by to their place after the date, since Jisung insisted. Not that he needed too much nagging, it’ll probably be the best for everyone if he tells them how it went immediately, before Changbin could die of worry and Jisung could die of curiosity. And of course, Chan appreciates the chance to let his thoughts and feelings out after something so stressful.

He isn’t too well versed in flowers, but he recognizes the white chrysanthemums and the purple hyacinths. There are maybe three more types of flowers too, but they are smaller and duller. Thanks to being friends with Jisung, he knows white chrysanthemums mean honestly and sincere feelings, but he isn’t sure about the hyacinths. _I should ask him later_ , he concludes, after all Jisung likes playing around with flower meanings so it must have something important to say in that bouquet, and it probably describes Chan’s feelings for Minho better than he could put it in words. _If only he could just read it from the flowers, and I wouldn’t have to say anything!_

He stops to take a few calming breaths before turning the last corner to their meeting spot. Minho is already standing under the tree they agreed on, a few steps to the left from the bus stop. He looks casual yet with an elegant vibe as always, in his usual long brown coat, this time with a dark green beret and scarf.

When he hears Chan’s footsteps, he immediately looks up, his cheeks and nose slightly pink from the cold, but offering him a warm smile. “Hey.”

Chan feels a little breathless all of a sudden. “Hi.”

“Your hair looks good today!”

“Thanks, I-… uhm… This is for you,” he almost stutters, reaching the flowers over to Minho, almost missing the way his cheeks turn a slightly darker shade of pink in response. He looks cute when he’s shy like that, especially because he doesn’t let himself be openly shy often. Chan noticed it multiple times, he puts on a fake mask of confidence, and brushes it off by flirting back.

But now the flowers seem to have caught him off guard. “T-thanks… These are very pretty!”

 _Just like you_ , he thinks, almost saying it out loud. He keeps quiet though, forcing his heart to calm down, and willing his muscle memory to produce a casual friendly smile. “I’m glad you like them! Shall we go?”

“Sure.”

Last week they agreed that this time they won’t do any expensive activities like bowling, instead they’ll just go to a nearby park, sit on a bench and watch the river while talking. Although not previously discussed, Minho brought them both some tea in a thermos with two mugs. Chan’s initial stress eases a bit as he has the opportunity to laugh when Minho hands him a mug.

“Did you come here on a camping trip or something?”

“I can just keep my tea, you know…” Minho says, pulling the mug back with a teasing grin.

Chan reaches after the mug quickly, now both of them holding it, his hand resting over Minho’s. “I wasn’t complaining! It’s cold here and you make good tea…”

Minho glances at their hands, then quickly back at Chan, his face unreadable. “Alright then!” He removes his hand from the mug, and leans back against the backrest of the bench, staring at the river, his glasses fogging up a little as he takes occasional sips of his own mug of tea.

They get into a conversation eventually, started by Chan spotting a dog, and remembering a childhood story involving his own dog and a random squirrel. It makes Minho laugh, so he counts it as a win, and asks if he has any similar experiences. Which he doesn’t, but one of his friends has, and he’s glad to talk about it – as Chan assumes – with the purpose of embarrassing said friend behind his back. Although neither of them talk about their friends by name, Chan can sort of guess it’s the one Minho mentioned is studying fashion design.

From then on topics flow more freely, switching between more and less serious, until suddenly they are silent. Minho is staring ahead at the grey clouds over the river. The forecast didn’t say anything about rain, but the grey weather was promised. And so was the wind, which clearly makes Minho shiver a little, no matter how he tries to bundle up in his thick scarf.

Chan would like to put an arm around his shoulder, just casually, in a platonic way that may leave room for Minho to interpret it differently if he wants to. But he can’t because he has an important topic to talk about. He has to tell Minho the truth about himself and this seems like the perfect moment for it.

He opens his mouth to talk, but forming sentences is difficult. He’s scared of how Minho might react, and the fear paralyses his thoughts. He knows once he manages to begin, he’ll have no problem explaining everything, but he has no idea where he should start from. He has to figure it out though, he can’t let such a perfect moment slip through his fingers! _Come on Chan, just say something_ , he tells himself, ready to turn to Minho to just admit everything in one direct sentence.

“Hey, Chris…?”

There goes his perfect chance.

“Yeah?” He turns to look at Minho, but the other continues to stare ahead, so all he can see is his side profile. But it’s enough to tell Minho is nervous. The way his fingers are fidgeting with the paper wrapped around his flowers is an obvious sign, but even if Chan didn’t notice that he still would have been able to tell from his aura. “Is something wrong…?”

“No-no, just,” Minho takes a breath and sighs. “I need to get something off my chest, can I?”

He looks a bit worried, clearly whatever it is he wants to talk about costed him great effort and lots of courage to bring up. Chan of course immediately nods as encouragingly as possible. “Sure, go ahead! I’m listening.” What he has to say can wait until Minho talked about whatever is worrying him.

“Okay, so…” Minho takes a shaky breath. “Basically, I’ve never really been lucky with dating – don’t worry I won’t go into details – and according to my friends I just tend to pick the worst men ever to have a crush on.” He adds a sarcastic little laugh at that point, but Chan doesn’t laugh along with him and Minho stops fast too.

He wonders where Minho is going with this.

“Long story short, they all had something in common and it was being a huge liar.”

_Oh no._

“One of them lied to me about having feelings for me, just to get into my pants, the other lied and cheated on me, one of them even had a whole wife on the side and half of what he told me about his life was just lies.”

_Oh no, no, no, no…_

“Long story short I really can’t stand liars, I just absolutely hate every asshole that thinks they can just lie their way out of situations, not caring about how they are hurting another person in the process!”

 _Oh no, he knows, he knows for sure, it’s too late,_ Chan thinks almost about to interject with an apology, when Minho continues.

“But I have a feeling that you wouldn’t be like that! I think you’re a really nice guy, with such a pure heart I can’t _not_ trust you!”

Despite those next sentences reassuring Chan that Minho has no idea about his secret, instead of feeling relieved he feels even more tense. Minho goes on saying all these nice things about him, not knowing that Chan did the exact thing he hates the most: lied to him. If there is ever a right moment for being dragged to hell personally by the devil, then it’s this one. He feels absolutely horrible.

“Chris I’m going to have to be honest with you.”

The seriousness in Minho’s voice slows his spinning thoughts, refocusing his attention, after all Minho hasn’t stopped talking yet and he promised he’s listening. So, he looks at Minho once again, staring at his jawline, not daring to move his eyes any higher up. “Yeah?” His voice comes out shakier than expected.

But nothing could have prepared him to what Minho says next: “I have feelings for you. Romantic feelings,” he says, voice seemingly calm, only getting a little shaky at the word ‘romantic’. He finally turns towards him, his worry-filled gaze meeting Chan’s. “I hope it won’t ruin our friendship,” he adds, and Chan freezes.

His thoughts and emotions are a jumbled mess, he can barely comprehend what just happened. Minho likes him? Like that? What is he supposed to say now? Obviously, he likes Minho too, but Minho doesn’t exactly know who _he_ likes, considering the still hidden lies. He wants to jump and yell with happiness, but also sink into the ground with the cocktail of negative emotions mixed in his heart.

It’s the image of Minho’s nervous lip bite that pulls him back to reality.

“Nononono me too, I mean, I-, I also do-... H-have feelings for you I mean! Like, romantic ones... yeah” he blurts out quickly. He didn’t prepare for this scenario, so he had no idea what to say. _Get it together, Chan!_ He draws in a quick breath, the cold air sobering his thoughts a little. “I mean… I also like you, so… I really don’t think it will ‘ruin’ our friendship!” He offers a hesitant smile.

Minho sighs, all the worry leaving his features, his eyes holding nothing but pure joy now, as he smiles back at him, with renewed confidence. “Yeah? Maybe we should count this as our first date then!” Even his voice sounds more melodic. He turns to face the river again, this time leaning against Chan’s side, resting his head on his shoulder. He’s still shivering a little from the cold but doesn’t seem to want to go anywhere.

Chan hesitantly wraps an arm around his shoulder. “Wear more layers next time!”

“I’m not cold.”

“Sure, and my hair is not dead!”

Minho chuckles quietly at that. “Alright, fine I’m cold! Next time lets go to some café… A nice coffee date, there’s nothing more cliché than that!”

“I thought you hate cliches!” Chan bites back a laugh, just smiling fondly.

“And I thought I hate bowling! I’m full of surprises.”

They start a casual conversation from then, and this time it’s mostly Minho doing the talking. Chan is listening with half a mind focusing on the appropriate little replies he adds, while the other half is deep in thought. He should have told Minho the truth earlier, but now it’s not a good time for it. After the talk they just had, he can’t just ruin everything immediately. If he would have told him right when he confessed his feelings, it could have been saved, but now that he’s been silent for a good thirty minutes, it wouldn’t end well.

But there’s always a next time, right? Maybe there will be another perfect moment today, they still have time to spend together before Minho has to go back to his shop! And he just found out his feelings are mutual, would it really be such a crime to just enjoy it for a little, before potentially messing everything up? Even Jisung said he deserves happiness…

So, Chan focuses his full attention on Minho again, forcing all negative thoughts away to the back of his mind. It’s fine, he can still fix this later.

“Let’s go eat something,” he says, not yet moving, due to Minho’s head still resting on his shoulder.

Minho looks up curiously. “All of a sudden?”

“Yeah, you’re cold and I’m hungry, we could both use a nice bowl of warm soup!”

Minho agrees after some consideration, and even suggests a place. So, they go for food, then more talking, and Minho is holding his hand over the table, with a warm smile on his face, as he listens to Chan talk about a movie he watched recently. His eyes are so captivating Chan almost stops midsentence a few times, losing his own line of thought.

They take a long walk near the river until the sky gets darker, then walk back to the bus stop hand-in-hand, this time silent again, and Chan feels guilt crawling up his chest once more, constricting his throat. He didn’t tell Minho the truth. He thought there will be a good moment later but there wasn’t – at least he didn’t find any – and now they’re almost back at the corner they part ways at. Could this be the right time?

Minho turns to him as soon as they stop. “Today was nice,” he says, with a casual smile, but his eyes show he’s not as calm as he shows himself to be. Chan would think it’s cute, if he wasn’t so busy trying to come up with a way to say what’s really on his mind. Instead he nods in agreement.

“So… same time next week?”

“Yeah, works for me.”

A hint of hesitation appears in Minho’s eyes. His hand, still holding Chan’s loosens it’s hold a little, as if he’s about to let go, but he just shifts it around a bit to intertwine their fingers again. “I should go now. Bye Chris!” His voice is soft and quiet too, and Chan is about to reply – maybe to say bye himself or to admit his lies, even he isn’t sure which – but then Minho leans closer to leave the slightest hint of a kiss on his cheek. “Good night!”

Chan can feel his face heat up but his chest goes cold, as he watches Minho walk away, barely managing to mutter a quiet “Bye!” himself. He didn’t tell him the truth and now it’s going to be even harder. It makes him feel awful, but the truth is he led him on. Minho has no idea exactly who he just agreed to go on a date with, and even though he never had any bad intentions towards him, he can still tell the situation got pretty messed up by now.

~♡~

“YOU DIDN’T TELL HIM!? Dude you had one job! ONE! I can’t believe it… You know you’re straight up toying with him, right? Are you aware of the weight of what you’re doing? You’re such an asshole, dude! And you guys are going on a _date_ next time! AND HE STILL DOESN’T KNOW!”

“Jisung, stop, he looks guilty enough as is!”

As promised earlier, Chan came straight to Jisung and Changbin’s place after his meet-up with Minho. He already felt like crying on his way here, and while he was explaining them what happened, but Jisung yelling at him like that only makes it worse. He can’t really blame him though, everything he said was right and Chan is a horrible person for doing what he did, no ifs and buts. But hearing it in such a straightforward way makes the realisation further deepen.

“Chan? Are you okay?” Changbin asks, putting a hand on his back.

Chan shakes his head, cowering his face with his hands. He’s sitting on the couch, in the living room, shoulders slightly hunched forward, faintly registering two half-empty mugs on the coffee table from the corner of his eyes, and the tv screen frozen at a scene of some drama. _Great_ , he thinks, _not only did I fuck up the one thing I had to do, but I’m also ruining my friends’ evening_.

Someone sits next to him and an arm wraps around his shoulder. “I’m sorry I yelled at you like that, I just lost my temper for a second, but I shouldn’t have!” Jisung says with a much more softer and quieter voice this time. “I’m just worried about you, and I want you to have a happy relationship with this guy.”

“I know, it’s fine… I deserved the yelling anyway,” he replies, rubbing his eyes to will the tears away. He’s overreacting this, he shouldn’t be crying about not being able to tell someone something, he should be planning how to do it better next time!

Changbin’s hand on his back is moving up and down in a steady rhythm. “You know it doesn’t make you ‘weak’ if you cry, right? I mean I went to therapy to learn that, I thought you know better than me!”

He tries to swallow the lump in his throat and takes a few deep breaths. “I have to tell him!”

“And you can, next time!”

“But what if he’ll hate me and he won’t ever wanna see me again?”

“That’s unfortunately a possibility… But the sooner you tell him the more likely he’ll forgive you! And like I said no matter when you tell him it’s still better than if he finds out about it from someone else.”

“Yeah… Right. I know.”

Jisung squeezes his shoulder encouragingly. “You got this. It’s never too late to do the right thing,” he says, full of cliché’s as always, but this time Chan appreciates it. They silent for a little while, all three of them, before Jisung speaks again. “I think we should all cuddle and watch a movie! No homo.”

Changbin nods in agreement then stops suddenly. “Wait no homo for me either? I’m your boyfriend!”

“Okay _some_ homo for you, but not too much cause we don’t want Chan to feel like a third wheel!”

“Alright but then we’re not watching Howl’s Moving Castle _again_!”

“Well we’re not watching My Neighbour Totoro either!”

“Hey!”

“You get your homo, you lose your movie picking privileges, this is how socialism works!”

“What the fuck does any of this have to do with socialism!?”

Chan can’t help but laugh at his friends’ usual little quarrelling, which makes them both stop and turn towards him at the same time, declaring that he will be the one to chose a movie to make it fair. He picks The Secret World of Arietty, and Changbin brings him a cup of hot chocolate too, before they get comfortable on the couch.

But he still feels awful, and his thoughts keep going back to the time he spent with Minho that day. The things he said and mostly the things he didn’t say. Countless what-ifs circling in his head until they reduce the movie in front of him to some background noise. _I really ruined everything._

\------♡------

**[Felix’s POV]**

It was seven in the evening when Felix got a call from Minho who – judging by his voice and the background noises – was still walking home from his meet-up with the no longer mysterious Mystery Guy. He sounded happy, Felix could practically see his smile through the phone, as he talked about the flowers he got and the conversations they had and “Oh gosh, I think I might be in love! You were right when you said I should make a move, I’m so glad I listened to you!”

He fought with himself over whether he should tell Minho what he knows or not, but it was still such a fresh development regarding the situation, that he didn’t yet have the time to properly consider all the possibilities. At first telling Minho the truth seemed like the right thing to do, but on the other hand he didn’t know anything about Chan’s side of the story, and therefore about what exactly is ‘the truth’. So, he stayed quiet about it, nodding along to Minho talking about his thoughts and feelings about the guy and their unofficial first date that day.

Felix hasn’t seen Chan in a while, but they kept in touch through messages. They weren’t as close anymore as they’ve been during Felix’s high school years, partly due to Felix befriending more and more people, partly due to Chan’s busier and busier schedules. This is not how Felix wanted to meet up with him after about a year of not seeing each other in person and only ever messaging about video games and Australia, but he needed to hear this in person.

And that’s how he ends up sitting across Chan at a café, about two days after he followed Minho to his date. He’s staring down at his coffee for a while, not sure where to begin. He didn’t tell Chan why he wants to meet up, only that he has important things to talk about. Chan agreed immediately and even asked if he’s alright, which reenforced Felix’s belief that his friend is in fact a good person like he remembered, but further confused him about why he would deceive Minho like that.

“I know it’s you,” he starts, taking a deep breath to calm down. He shouldn’t make a scene in a public place, especially without knowing Chan’s reasons. “You’re the guy Minho goes out with every Thursday.”

Chan is silent, but the way his hands tense around his mug, shows he didn’t expect this to be the topic of their conversation. He looks away when Felix tries to make eye contact. “You know him?”

Felix nods. “We’ve been friends for about four years.”

Chan is tapping his foot under the table, and nervously runs a hand through his hair. He used to complain to him over text about having to re-dye his hair for comebacks, but Felix had no idea he has blonde hair now. He’s not sure how long it’s been since they talked about anything other than that one video game they still play together online.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise to _me_! Listen I don't know why you're doing what you're doing but it's not cool, man! You need to tell him the truth right now! He's my closest friend and the only reason I haven’t yet told him myself is because you're also my friend, but I swear to God if you don’t call him and tell him right now then I will!”

Chan finally looks at him properly, with hints of panic in his eyes. “No wait, listen, I-… I wanted to tell him this time! I really did! I just-… I guess I panicked, and I didn’t know how to begin and then he just confessed out of nowhere and what was I supposed to do!? I wanted to tell him; I was so nervous about it I couldn’t sleep the night before! Please don’t tell him, at least not yet! Give me a little more time!”

Felix considers his friend’s words. His reaction makes it obvious he actually means what he’s saying, and his intentions probably weren’t bad in the first place, if he wants to correct them so badly now. But of course, he can’t be so sure based on sheer assumptions. “Why did you lie to him? What was the reason?” His voice is calmer now, but no less threatening. He’s ready to cut ties with Chan and disregard his wishes if he finds out he intentionally misled Minho for no good reason.

Chan sighs, running his hand through his hair again. “I was scared… It’s pretty damn difficult to date, when people just want your money or public attention, you know? And those who don’t might think of me in a bad way if they find out I’m kinda famous, they think I’m stuck-up or something! And when I realised, he had no idea who I am I just wanted to make a good first impression, before ruining it by simply introducing myself! I only wanted to lie about my name!”

 _Damn, they really are a match though, they both ramble like this when nervous_ , Felix thinks to himself, watching Chan go on and on, foot still shaking under the table, hands moving a little too vividly. _How is he so good at not getting noticed in public when this is how he communicates?_

“And it wasn’t even a real lie, I just told him my English name! It was supposed to stay at that but he kept asking questions and I wasn’t ready to tell him yet so I had to make up more and more lies, but the more lies I told the harder it seemed to tell him the truth and now I’m terrified I might break his heart! He told me about his asshole exes, and yet here I am doing the same exact thing, I’m a horrible person! He’s just so kind and patient and such a gentle soul and he deserves someone so much better than me, he’s way out of my league and I’m just making it worse by lying to him and-”

“Okay-okay, that’s enough!” Felix raises his hands to visibly signal a stop. “I get it now.”

Chan takes a deep breath, but his shoulders still look tense. His hand goes back to stirring his now cold coffee a little too fast. “You do?”

“Yeah, at least I get as much as I need to… You really like him, don’t you?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Okay, that’s a good start.” He needs to think before he continues to speak so he looks away, towards the window, taking a few sips from his coffee. Chan stays silent again, having said everything he could.

Felix stares at the raindrops on the window. Chan seems to be honest, both about his intentions and his feelings for Minho. Clearly he’s also been heartbroken one too many times, and he was just trying to avoid another one – which is what Felix has been all but begging Minho to do for ages – so he can’t really be mad at Chan for it. Of course, that doesn’t mean what he did isn’t bad, or that Chan is innocent, but it does give an explanation, and a reassurance that Chan has a good heart with no bad intentions, and all that happened is some unfortunate circumstances and a few bad decisions.

“You need to tell him the truth!”

Chan almost spills his coffee, turning to look at him again in a hurry. “Of course! I’ll tell him everything next Thursday!”

“If you don’t-”

“I will!”

Felix sighs. What can he say? He really just wants the best for both of his friends. Despite his mistake Chan is a good person and he deserves love just as much as Minho. And nobody can know it better than Felix that they really would make a good couple, their personalities complementing each other in an unexpected but perfect way, bringing the best out of each other.

On the other side of the table Chan looks nervous, stirring about two sips of cold coffee in his mug, still bouncing his legs a little. He has dark circles under his eyes, and his hair is messy due to running his hands through it one too many times. Felix hasn’t seen him be this nervous since his university entrance exam, which is saying something considering that being a celebrity would give someone more than enough to be nervous about.

It’s not going to be easy for Chan to fix his mistakes, but Felix is sure Minho will listen to him, even if he might need some time to think things through afterwards. And naturally, Felix will be there to try nudging them in a direction where they can see eye-to-eye again. It will need some work, but it can be done.

But for now, he might as well try rebuilding his friendship with Chan if they’re already here.


	5. Chapter 5

**[Minho’s POV]**

“So… Seungmin.” Hyunjin starts, leaning against the doorframe with his shoulder, arms crossed, eyeing the other carefully. He’s wearing an – according to Minho comically long, but probably fashionable – coat draped on his shoulder and a cashmere cardigan tucked into his slacks. In his hands is a bunched up blue and yellow knitted scarf, that Felix forgot at Minho’s shop the other day. He was supposed to grab the scarf and go, but he just happened to run into Jeongin’s friend, Seungmin.

“Yeah, that’s my name,” comes the nonchalant reply. Seungmin is halfway sitting on a desk, halfway just leaning against it. He came here from work to bring some lunch for Jeongin, so he’s wearing his working clothes – at least judging by the wood dust on his jeans. The collar of his flannel shirt is sticking out messily from his oversized brown sweatshirt. Minho wouldn’t be able to explain why, but he really thinks Seungmin looks just like a carpenter. Or maybe it’s because Seungmin is the only carpenter he knows personally.

Jeongin isn’t looking up from the mug he decided to finish before lunchbreak, but he’s listening intently; Minho guesses ready to shut Hyunjin up as soon as he even just jokingly hints at the possibility of anything more than platonic between Jeongin and Seungmin.

“Very funny,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

“There was no joke, it really _is_ my name!” Seungmin shrugs with a grin on his face.

“Anyway, you brought lunch for Jeongin again!”

“Yeah, so?”

“What are you trying to achieve?”

“Being a good friend?”

“Bullshit!”

Seungmin turns to Jeongin, his voice and face as peaceful as if he were just chatting about the weather. “Does he never bring you lunch? You need better friends, Innie!”

Jeongin chokes back a laugh at the unexpected comment and at Hyunjin’s reaction. 

“Excuse me, I am right here!!”

“It’s excused, no worries.” Seungmin grins again, and Jeongin is really struggling to hold back his laughter now. Hyunjin’s head is turning an ugly mixed shade of purple and red.

Minho thinks this might be the right time to leave these three to their own devices, so he quickly picks up his bag and cardigan from the couch and walks out to the shop area. He walks over to the decorative mirror on the wall to check on his makeup and hair, messing around with his bangs a little until they’re parted just right. He knows the wind will most likely mess it up by the time he arrives to their meeting place, but he’s too nervous to care about that.

It’s been exactly a week since he confessed his feelings to Chris. It’s still unclear how he managed to stay so calm that day, despite his heart pounding from the moment he decided to tell him, until they parted ways and he started walking home. He called Felix immediately and told him everything over the phone. Strangely even though it was Felix who suggested him to make a move, his voice contained a lot more worry and uncertainty than joy.

Minho didn’t think much about it though, after all he did have a history of bad relationships, so it made sense that Felix would be worried about him getting into a relationship again. Even though he has nothing to worry about, Chris is clearly different. He’s way too sweet and kind to treat Minho like any of his exes did.

He smiles to himself as he recalls the other’s surprised, blushing face from last week after Minho’s unexpected goodbye kiss. _If I’d wear lipstick and did it again like that, it would leave a print on his cheek… What am I thinking!? Get it together Lee Minho!_

He leans down to double-tie his shoelaces.

If this date goes well, he might actually be able to gather enough courage by the end of it to initiate a real kiss, but if he’s being really honest, he would be more than happy to just hold his hand while they take a walk in the city. The Christmas decorations and lights are starting to appear on buildings – even though Minho would definitely say it’s a little early for that – and the forecast promised some light snowing, so it would probably be very scenic, or one might even say romantic.

Minho never thought of himself as a romantic person. He always found the romantic movies and dramas Felix and Hyunjin watches boring and unrealistic, he thought flowers are useless and overrated and coffee dates are cliché. But it’s different when he’s around Chris.

He finds himself longing for those romantic walks, and the coffee dates seem cute instead of cliché all of a sudden. Even his opinion on flowers changed when Chris showed up with that bouquet last week! At least he’s still very sure that romantic movies are unbearably stupid.

He looks through his bag, checking if he has everything, not wanting to forget his wallet again. He _will_ pay for their coffees today, no matter what. Keys, wallet, gum, chapstick – not lipstick, but hey maybe next time – everything he could need except his phone. There’s no place he could have left it at other than the couch so he goes back to the backroom, where his friends seem to be in the middle of a different conversation now.

“I’m telling you there’s nothing like Day6’s stage presence!”

“I don’t know how to break it to you but CB97 is obviously superior! The best in the industry!”

Jeongin – now sitting on the couch and eating, while watching the other two argue – puts the fork down for a second. “Last time this topic came up you said BTS is the best in the industry!”

Hyunjin waves it off and rolls his eyes dramatically. “I wasn’t in the mood to argue with Beomgyu that time! I agree that BTS is legendary, _but CB97 though_!”

“Listen Hyunjin,” Seungmin sighs, checking the time on his watch. “With all due respect towards you and your fave… _Young K_. That’s all I gotta say.”

Minho has no idea about what artists they are talking about, but he doesn’t particularly care either. He lost all motivation to learn about current music after he found out Felix’s favourite girl group consists of nine members. That’s about twice as much as Minho deems necessary. He was never interested in pop culture and this won’t be the time he gets curious. He has a date to go to, if only he could find his phone.

He doesn’t pay much attention to Hyunjin and Seungmin’s further arguments, focusing instead on moving the cushions around and checking under the piece of furniture too. He vaguely hears Hyunjin playing a concert video on his phone to prove his point. The music is some bass heavy rap song which quite frankly Minho has zero interest in.

He finally finds his phone, checking the time on it, before pocketing it and turning to the other three. He’s just about to ask them to refrain from damaging anything in his shop in the heat of their – obviously so very important – debate, when the song Hyunjin was playing ends with loud cheers from the audience, followed by the rapper in question moving on to thanking them for coming to his concert.

Minho’s blood freezes in his veins. He knows that voice. _It can’t be…_

He moves without realising, all but ripping the phone out of Hyunjin’s hand, staring at screen in shock. _No…_ He can’t believe his eyes, it must be just some uncanny similarity, the video is pretty blurry after all! But the longer he looks at it the more obvious it becomes. He’s not wrong, his eyes aren’t deceiving him. The voice, the posture, the movements while speaking, the laugh, the god damned dimples too… This man is _Chris_.

His vision blurs, and it takes him a second to recognise it as tears, but he wills them away before even a single drop could leave his eyes. This is not the time to cry, no matter how much it hurts to know he’s been betrayed once again. Chris – or whoever he is – clearly lied to him, and not even just a little bit.

Minho can barely hold himself back from throwing the phone across the room. He forces on a calm face, with limited success, and hands the device back to Hyunjin, before walking out of the room, putting his coat on in a hurry.

“What’s up with him?” Hyunjin whispers to the other two.

Seungmin shrugs. “Maybe it’s because that performance was so trash! You should have played a Day6 stage!”

“NOW LISTEN HERE KIM SEUNGMIN!”

~♡~

Minho can barely feel the cold, even though he knows he should be freezing. He forgot his hat and scarf in his hurry, not even buttoning his coat up. The cold December wind is blowing in his face, messing his hair up and probably drying his skin out, but he can’t bring himself to care about that now.

His chest feels tight and he coughs a few times, only slowing his pace, not stopping. His mind is full of white noise, but he knows he has to see Chris right now. He’ll figure out what to think or what to say when he’s there, but it sure as hell won’t be anything nice.

He feels betrayed, straight up stabbed in the back, considering that he told him about his past relationships, yet Chris still didn’t even try to tell him the truth. Disgusting. And to think he trusted him so much, shared so many deep thoughts with him, and all he got in return were lies! He was led on from the start. All the hand holding, the soft touches on his shoulder and back randomly during conversations, the compliments, the oh-so genuine looking smiles and laughs, it was all fake. He fell for the same lie all over again.

Clearly Chris just used his lack of knowledge on pop culture to his advantage, keeping it a secret for God knows whatever reason. It couldn’t have meant more than a game to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have even considered lying to him to begin with! He might even have a girlfriend, and Minho is just a little experiment on the side – it wouldn’t be the first time – that he can deny any time if people find out!

Minho can feel his chest heat up with anger. He can’t remember the last time he’s been so mad at anyone, perhaps he really never been this mad before at all. He’s angry at himself for not noticing the same tricks again and setting his expectations too high.

He really believed finally Chris could be different than the guys before, he believed that he really cares, he believed that those smiles were for him, and that holding hands meant something. After his last breakup he promised himself he’s never going to fall for any man again, or the very least not before he proved his worth and intentions. Yet here he is, backstabbed by a man he knows nothing about.

He’s furious, so much so that he has to stop and take a breath, or else he might hurt someone in blind rage. Chris lied to him.

Chris lied to him.

Lies.

It was all lies.

He grits his teeth slightly, picking the pace up again, almost bumping into someone in his hurry. He’s not going to tolerate being lied to like this, not once again. He’s not a pushover, never was never will be, and Chris will learn that now. He needs to know who he’s messing with. And he will, Minho will guarantee it.

Thoughts are running around in his head, each more chaotic than the last, neither staying long enough to help him think things through logically. All he can rely on right now is his heart. His mind might be conflicted but his feelings – albeit hurt – are intact.

When he finally spots Chris waiting by their usual spot, he freezes for a second, his heart almost skipping a beat. Chris is wearing one of his usual full black outfits, bleached hair hidden by a warm hat now, a grey knitted scarf around his neck. His eyes are on his phone, probably texting someone. For a second he seems like he always does, an Minho is tempted to let it go and pretend he never found out the truth.

But then he remembers Chris lied to him, and he loses whatever he had left of his more gentle feelings towards him. He walks closer, taking a deep breath to cool his head – which is proven unsuccessful – before, without realising what he’s doing, he raises his hand.

\------♡------

**[Chan’s POV]**

He the feels pain before he could take in the image of Minho walking towards him. It takes him off guard and he needs a few seconds before looking back up from the point on the ground his eyes fixated on. His left ear is ringing a bit, and his cheek feels a little numb. Did Minho just slap him?

His confusion only lasts a few moments, before he finally starts comprehending what Minho’s basically yelling at him.

“You absolute piece of garbage! How dare you lie to me like that!?”

“What-” he starts, with no clear idea how he plans to continue, purely on reflex, but Minho cuts him off.

“Don’t try to pretend you’re innocent! You sick fuck! You know what I’m talking about _CB97_!”

Chan feels like his heart stops for a second. Minho found out; he knows he lied to him. But how? Did somebody tell him? Felix promised he wouldn’t, it couldn’t have been him! He has to force himself to breathe. _Nonono this can’t happen, this is not how this was supposed to go!_

Minho’s voice is firm and laced with anger, his eyes sharp and he’s staring straight at him in a way that makes him want to look away in shame, but he’s completely frozen, until Minho speaks again. This time much quieter but none less furious and intimidating. “You’re not even going to say anything? Really? I mean that little to you, huh!”

“No! No, Minho you don’t-”

“Don’t _what_!? I don’t understand!? You lied to me! About everything! _Everything!!_ I told you so much about myself, some things not even my closest friends know, and all you gave me in return was lies! Lies and false hope!”

He can feel a knot form in his throat, and his eyes start to sting. This is it, Minho clearly hates him now, he ruined all of his chances, by not telling him the truth sooner. Jisung was right, he should have just been honest from the get-go, yet here he is getting yelled at in the middle of the street, and he deserves it completely.

“Minho plea-”

“DON’T address me on that name!” Minho snaps back, his voice wavering a bit. “Don’t address me on that name if you couldn’t even tell me yours! It’s not Chris, is it? Did you lie to me even about your name!? Why, what was the point!? Was this just some stupid game for you? Do you think _I’m_ stupid!?”

“No, please let’s-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! I don’t want to hear it! I don’t want to hear any of your stupid excuses, I can already guess what they’ll be, _as_ _you know_ this isn’t my first time being LIED TO! Why did I even think you’d be different!? Why did I think I finally found someone I can fall in love with!? Maybe I _am_ stupid!”

Chan can only watch – still frozen in panic – as Minho runs his hand through his soft brown hair repeatedly, almost knocking his glasses of while rubbing his face. He wants to say something. He wants to apologize but once again, as soon as the right moment for it arises, he loses all coherent thoughts he wants to speak.

When Minho looks at him again his eyes are red. “I don’t care why you did this to me, I don’t care if you have a girlfriend on the side, I don’t care if you just didn’t want commitment and wanted to make it easier to ghost me down the line _, I don’t care_! Go rot in hell!! I can’t believe I was so blinded by my feelings for you that I didn’t even notice what a disgusting piece of shit you are!”

“Minho…” he has nothing to say. He deserves whatever insult Minho has towards him, but he doesn’t know how to reply. He was told not to try explaining himself, clearly, it’s not welcomed right now, but then what is he supposed to say? “I’m so sorry.”

Minho bites his lip, the first tears rolling down his cheeks, his tense shoulders falling a little forward as he wraps his arms around himself. “I hate you,” he mutters, with a shaky voice, finally breaking eye-contact, staring at the ground in front of Chan. “I hate you so much. I hate you! I hope I’ll never see you again!”

 _Minho wait!_ he wants to say, _Let me explain!_ but he can’t even will himself to open his mouth, just watching Minho turn around and walk away shaking a little from holding his tears back or maybe just exhausted after letting his anger out. Either way it’s Chan’s fault and he feels awful for it.

He didn’t want to hurt Minho like this, he didn’t want to hurt him in any way. Minho made it very obvious that he’s a calm and collected, even emotionless person most of the time, and that it takes a lot for him to get emotional in any way. And he definitely looked emotional just now. The way he raised is voice while yelling and how it started to waver afterwards, the sharp light in his eyes, fading out into deep sadness, it was all so clear and vivid.

Minho was hurt, deeply. And Chan was the only cause of it.

He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes. He takes a shaky breath to calm down, not wanting to cry in public, but it’s hopeless. It’s too late now, no matter how much he genuinely wanted to tell Minho the truth, he ran out of time, and it’s all his fault. Intentions don’t worth anything by themselves, and his honest feelings for Minho won’t correct his mistakes.

It was always so easy around Minho, he never felt like he needs to keep a mask on and be someone people expect him to be. Despite his numerous lies he felt like he’s been his most honest version of himself around him, talking about his most random little thoughts, not being afraid to openly get shy after certain compliments, not attempting to hide the blush on his face whenever their hands touched.

He thought he could finally find a happy relationship like Changbin and Jisung’s, the kind of relationship he dreamed of since his teenage years. It was all so close, but he ruined it himself. And even worse, he hurt Minho in the process.

His heart clenches painfully just from thinking about Minho possibly crying right now, because of him. Maybe he called Felix already, or maybe he wants to be alone, like he said he does when he’s sad or overwhelmed. Maybe he’ll turn to his work as distraction or maybe he’ll lock himself in his home for god knows how long.

Chan wants to text Felix and ask him to check on Minho, but he has no idea what to write. Is he even allowed to text Felix still after breaking his friend’s heart the exact way he promised he won’t? What would Felix even reply? Or does it even matter? What’s important is Minho being okay anyway…

He barely has the mind to realise he should probably go home now too. What good would it do to cry in public? Not to mention the snow is starting to fall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I planned this chapter to be a bit longer than it ended up being, sorry I guess!


	6. Chapter 6

**[Felix’s POV]**

When Minho called him early that afternoon, Felix immediately knew things didn’t go as planned, but he never would have assumed the situation to be this bad. He thought maybe after Chan told Minho the truth, Minho was just a little upset about having been lied to again or confused about whether he should be upset or not, considering his emotions towards Chan but also his past relationships. He thought maybe Minho just wanted to think things through and talk things over before giving an answer to Chan.

So, when Minho called him with a shaky voice, asking if Felix could come over – even though he himself was still on the way home – sniffling and coughing a bit, he was frozen for a solid three seconds before replying. _He couldn’t have found out right before the date, could he?_ he thought _What are the odds? Impossible! But why else would he be so upset…_

Naturally, he told Minho he’ll be there as soon as possible, and he arrived mere minutes after Minho got home. He had many questions about what happened, but no intentions of asking them, instead chose to wait in silence, watching Minho make tea with shaky hands, occasionally rubbing his eyes. He only interfered when Minho almost burned his own hand with the kettle.

It was silence for a little while longer, as they were sitting on the couch, mugs in hand, staring at the wall as the clock in the kitchen behind them was slowly ticking. This was exactly why Felix couldn’t stand analogue clocks, they can be annoyingly loud sometimes.

Eventually Minho takes a deep breath, possibly to say something, only to break down in tears instead. Felix knows Minho well enough to understand how serious the situation is immediately. Minho almost never cried, maybe once or twice after the ugly ending of some serious, long-term relationship. At least as long term as they ever got for Minho.

So, he hugs his best friend and lets him cry it out for a whole fifteen minutes, before Minho suddenly stops, wipes his cheeks dry and takes a deep breath. Whenever he cries, he cries like this, taking his time to begin but then giving it his all before wrapping it up quickly. Felix called him an “efficient cryer” once.

Minho starts his story with getting ready at the shop, moving on to how he recognised the voice from the video Hyunjin showed Seungmin. Judging by how he doesn’t pause for a second, he doesn’t notice the face Felix makes at that. _I should have told Hyunjin, why did I think it’s better to leave him out of this,_ he thinks, cursing himself internally. _This could have been avoided so easily, it’s all my fault!_

He listens to Minho talk about Chan for about an hour nonstop, describing all layers of his anger, frustration and sadness – coming close to crying again a few times, but never actually starting. He tells him about all the things he previously liked about Chan, all the hopes he had about this possible relationship, as well as his current, still messy thoughts, about how much of an asshole he is for lying, and how he’s just as bad as all the other ones if not worse.

For a quick second Felix considers telling Minho that he actually knows Chan and telling him the truth to defend him. Mainly because he doesn’t want to also become a liar in Minho’s eyes, especially after what just happened, and the longer he waits the more guilty he will be for lying. _This must be what Chan felt like_ , he concludes, after deciding to hold his mouth, reminding himself that Minho is already confused about his feelings and adding to it even more wouldn’t help anyone.

He comes to the conclusion that keeping Minho in the dark about his connection with Chan is probably the best decision, the very least until Felix figures out how to help them fix this mess, or even fix it himself if that’s what’s needed. After all it was his fault, wasn’t it? He should have forced Chan to talk to Minho sooner, or he should have told Minho the truth himself in a much more gentle and thought out way, with minimal chances of a heartbreak. Or the very least he should have let Hyunjin know about the situation.

He stays at Minho’s house for a little longer afterwards, just to make sure he’ll be alright. They cook up some quick and easy pasta dish together, mostly in silence, aside from the evening radio news. Felix doesn’t stay for dinner, but he makes sure Minho knows he can still call him any time for any reason, giving him a little longer hug than usual, before walking home.

He’ll text Chan tomorrow to ask how he’s doing, but for now he’ll just go home and think about possible ways to get them back together. They are a perfect match, after all, and some miscommunications and bad decisions shouldn’t ruin that so easily.

~♡~

“So what I’m getting here is that Hyunjin’s fave is problematic now!” Seungmin says, after a beat of silence. He joined the other three at the bakery a little later, and Jeongin just finished giving him a quick summary of what Felix explained to them about the Minho situation.

Hyunjin almost chokes on his coffee, in his hurry to reply. “No he’s not! He just made a mistake, humans make mistakes!”

“I don’t know, dude…” Seungmin shrugs, putting his hands in his hoodie’s pocket. “Young K would never do something like that.”

Felix doesn’t pay attention to their usual bickering. His thoughts are all focused on how to fix the disaster that went down between Minho and Chan a few days ago, that he continues to blame himself for, no matter how much Hyunjin keeps telling him not to, as he couldn’t have possible known what was about to happen.

He’s been keeping a close eye on Minho since then, knowing that no matter how well he hides his feelings he’s still not doing well. He’s been a little clumsy and disorganised, which is rather unusual from him, and he chose to stay at home and keep the shop closed for not yet decided how long, which is especially concerning, considering they’re a little more than a month before Christmas and this is when his mugs sell the best.

Every time Felix dropped by to visit him, he greeted him with a smile as if nothing was wrong. But the pile of mugs and half empty biscuit tins on the coffee table, in front of the couch with multiple blankets piled on it, in the light of the tv paused at some drama, told Felix more than Minho could have about his emotional state. But of course, Felix didn’t ask questions, just accepted Minho’s offer to stay for a bit, whether to just watch an episode of something with him, or to cook dinner together, or maybe even to just talk.

Sometimes they spent and hour or two in silence, but sometimes Minho gave him up to thirty minutes long rants about how much he hates Chan for what he did and for what a horrible person he is. Felix tried to avoid eye contact during those times, partly out of shame for also lying to Minho about Chan, but also because he was afraid his eyes would reveal that he doesn’t believe a single statement Minho says about his friend.

He knew Chan was better than that, but he couldn’t defend him without explaining the whole situation. Besides venting his frustration out was Minho’s way of dealing with negative emotions, and he didn’t want to take that option away from him. _Eventually. When I find the right time!_

But he also remembered to text and call Chan to check up on him too, which he deemed a great decision, after finding out Chan hasn’t attended any of his schedules since Thursday afternoon, partly due to lack of motivation, partly as advised by his manager, after a blurry fan-taken photo spread online, showing him with a freshly forming bruise on his cheek.

They talked over the phone multiple times, Chan replying to Felix’s questions about how he’s feeling briefly, before changing the topic to ask if Minho’s alright. He clearly sounded guilty about what happened, and no matter how much Felix kept saying that at least part of the blame should be shifted onto him, Chan insisted it’s hundred percent his fault, and that he deserved what he got, but he wished Minho didn’t have to be in pain too.

The more he talked to each of them, the more sure he was that he needs to get them back together. Minho clearly can’t even begin to move on, no matter how much he insists he never even cared to begin with, and Chan doesn’t even _want to_ move on at all. Call him crazy but Felix believes that to be a sign that things can still be saved.

His boyfriend’s voice brings him back to the present, and to the argument he wasn’t at all listening to.

“Felix, baby, angel, help me defend your friend!” Hyunjin says, right before turning towards Jeongin instead. “I will _not_ let you date a CB97 anti!”

“Who said anything about dating!?” Jeongin raises his voice, the tips of his ears turning the faintest shade of pink. His eyes, however, speak of a soon occurring murder with the victim being Hyunjin.

Felix continues to ignore them. He sighs loudly and leans back in his chair. “I have to get them back together! They would be the perfect couple…”

“I can’t see how _they_ could be _the_ perfect couple when _we_ exist!” Hyunjin shrugs, peeling a tangerine now, over an ashtray.

Seungmin scoffs, but doesn’t reply to that, instead also sharing his thoughts with Felix. “Maybe they don’t _have to_ get back together… I mean Minho doesn’t even want to talk to him, right? You said he blocked his number when Chan tried to call him, which makes it a pretty clear ‘ _no_ ’ considering that it’s not like Chan can just switch to pigeon-post!”

Even if it was clearly meant to be a joke, that last sentence set off a lightbulb-moment in Felix’s mind. “Oh my god, Seungmin you’re a genius!!”

Hyunjin lets out an annoyed groan. “Don’t feed his ego please, he doesn’t even have good music taste!”

“Excuse me, my music taste is _elite_!”

~♡~

The next day Felix meets up with Chan in person.

It took some time and effort to convince him to leave the house and go to a public place like a café – he even insisted that he should just come over if he really wants to talk in person that badly – but Felix knew it could really boost his spirits to go outside for a bit, so he didn’t give up until they agreed on a time and place.

It’s not the same café they’ve been to last time, but one in a quieter part of the city, with just enough customers to not feel awkward, but not enough to feel crowded. It’s probably the best decision, considering how some people, whether it be fans, haters or Dispatch – even though Chan insisted he wasn’t famous enough for that – might be looking for proof or a follow-up about the rumours spread on Twitter.

“Damn, you really did have a bruise, huh? It still looks a little swollen right under your eye!” Felix points out, after Chan sits down in front of him at their table and moves his baseball cap a bit back to make eye contact.

“It’s a little bit purple too, turning yellow, but not much anymore. I covered it up with make-up.” Chan answers casually, clearly hoping the reason Felix called him there for is not what he thinks it is. Whatever he may think it is. “I wouldn’t have expected him to hit that hard.”

“Pottery requires more arm muscle than you’d think! Especially because he runs his shop mostly alone.” Felix stirs his coffee, watching the whipped cream melt into it. He wants to think this through before saying anything. The plan should work out fine, as long as Chan is willing to try, but he could have multiple reasons for not wanting to, including his lack of confidence. From what he understood over the phone Chan doesn’t really feel like he would deserve Minho either way and thinks it’s better to stay away from him and avoid causing any further harm.

Kind of like Minho, Chan also tended to hide his emotions, although differently. He was always the oldest in any friend group he was in since a young age, and he was the leader of every sports team he joined, not to mention he was an overachiever and a idol. All of these put him in positions where he has to stay strong or the very least _look_ strong.

But despite that he never denies his emotions, and always talks about them when someone asks, but at the same time it always feels like he’s sweeping them under the rug. Felix never has to wait for him to start, he can just ask what he wants to know, but at the same time, Chan doesn’t really tell more than what Felix asks directly. That’s why he got so worried after a few phone calls that he even made the decision to contact Han Jisung through his Instagram, to see if Chan told something more to him at least.

“You two should become friends again.” Chan says, seemingly reading his thoughts. “You would get along well now; he changed a lot since high school.”

“Yes, I’ve seen his photos on Instagram.”

“He changed as a person I mean, not just his style!”

“I know, I know I’ll-… Hold on, we’re not here to talk about me and Jisung, don’t try to change the subject!”

Chan hides an awkward, nervous smile, by looking down into his coffee cup. He’s wearing a loose black hoodie, clearly something he normally only ever wears at home or for dance practice, if the faded colour and the little hole on one sleeve is anything to go by. It’s obvious how much he didn’t want to leave the house, he looks about ready to get back into bed and stare at the wall in silence for an hour.

Felix should probably just tell him directly what he’s thinking, he’s clearly assuming he’s going to get told off for breaking Minho’s heart – even though it should be obvious from the previous talks that that’s definitely not going to happen. He clears his throat to get Chan’s attention. “I called you here today because I think you should clear things up with Minho. Explain him your side of the story, tell him the truth, tell him your reasons, that sort of stuff…”

Chan stares at him in confusion for a second. Anything else he might be thinking is completely unreadable from his face. “I think you’re forgetting an important detail… he blocked my number, Felix! He doesn’t want to hear it!”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to _hear_ it. But maybe he would consider _reading_ it!”

“Are you suggesting text messages? Cause I tried that before _he blocked my number_!”

Felix sighs, shaking his head a little to shake off some of the frustration. “You’re so dense, oh my god… I’m saying you should write him a letter! A nice, detailed letter, telling him the truth and explaining why you lied and then adding a long honest apology. And I’ll try to get him to read it!”

There’s silence for a few seconds, Chan clearly considering his words. For a minute or so Felix thinks he’s going to turn the idea down, saying something like he ‘doesn’t want to push it, considering that Minho made it obvious he hates him and never wants to see him again’, but he’s pleasantly surprised when that’s not the case.

“Okay.”

“Wait, really?”

“Well, yeah, I mean… What can I lose, right? He already hates me, there’s no lower than that!”

“Eyy that’s the spirit! I guess…”

~♡~

Only a few days later, Felix meets up with Minho who’s back to work now after a week of rest. It’s around noon and Jeongin left for his lunchbreak that he said he’ll spend with Seungmin – he might actually do so, who knows – as previously discussed, so when Felix happens to drop by with freshly baked cranberry muffins it’s just Minho there.

With a cup of tea each they sit on the couch in the backroom. Some record is playing in the background, filling the room with soft guitar sounds and quiet vocals in a foreign language Felix doesn’t speak, and probably neither does Minho.

There are more fairy lights in the room than usual and even some hints of more obvious Christmas decorations on some places. While Minho was at home, Jeongin and Felix came by with the spare key and did some light decorating, keeping in mind that Minho ‘doesn’t like too much Christmas vibes, especially so early in December’.

To an average person Minho would look completely fine and they wouldn’t think the warm smile he gave Felix when he walked in was fake either. But after being such close friends for so long it’s obvious, he’s still deeply affected by what happened recently. Felix easily noticed how his smile didn’t quite reach his eyes, and his outfit that he normally would have put so much effort in is now bland. He still looks good, but in an average person sort of way, not in a Lee Minho sort of way.

From the corner of his eyes he watches his friend, legs pulled up next to him on the couch, the sleeves of his oversized knitted sweater covering most of his hands, staring at the coffee table while chipping off little bite sized pieces from a muffin. He looks exhausted in a way Felix never really saw him before. As far as he knew Minho didn’t cry again since the day of the confrontation, but maybe it would have been better if he did, to let go of pent-up emotions.

“Why are you _really_ here, Felix?” Minho asks after a while, unexpectedly but casually after taking a sip of tea. It’s some Christmas themed tea-blend with a clear apple and cinnamon taste.

Felix almost lies and says he has no ulterior motives, but there’s no point in lying to Minho. “I haven’t been quite honest with you,” he says instead, cutting straight to the point. Suddenly all the confidence leaves him as he remembers why he’s here. He thought so much about how to convince Minho to read Chan’s letter, that he completely forgot he would have to tell him about his connection to Chan first.

Minho raises an eyebrow, turning to look at him directly, and Felix has to fight the urge to avert his eyes. “How so…? You didn’t get in any sort of trouble, did you?”

“God no, nonono… I might get in trouble with you now though!”

With a racing heart he watches the various emotions flit through Minho’s eyes in a short moment, before his friend leans back to get comfortable, puts his mug aside and starts eating another muffin. “Speak.”

His palms are sweaty already and when he takes a deep breath to clear his head it comes out shaky. _Just rip the band aid off, quick before you change your mind!_ “I know Chan,” he starts. “Yes, CB97, Chris, whatever… I know him from high school, he’s a close friend of mine actually, but I haven’t kept contact with him for the last few months maybe even a year so really, _honestly_ , Minho I had no idea he was the guy you’ve been seeing, I swear I only found out when I stalked you that Thursday when he got you the flowers and I immediately contacted him to ask him what the fuck he's doing, I-”

Minho’s eyes widen in surprise, and it makes Felix even more nervous, causing him to ramble on, trying to explain himself. Only trying though, because just then Minho cuts him off with a raised hand. “You knew him all along!?”

“Yes, but I really didn’t know it was him, I swear!”

“And when you found out it was him and you didn’t say a word!?” Minho’s voice raises just a hint, if he wouldn’t know him so well Felix wouldn’t notice it.

But he does and it makes him almost panic a little. “I wanted to, I-… Hear me out, let me explain! I met up with him to see what’s going on, I was ready to end my friendship with him and come right here with the truth, trust me! But we had a whole talk and… and he really likes you, yeah? He explained everything! He wanted to tell you the truth all along and he feels so horrible that he didn’t! He _promised_ he would tell you the next time you two meet! He was meant to tell you last Thursday, but you found out right before he could!”

He runs out of things to say, his mind getting tangled in his own hurried words, not sure where the thought process started and where it was heading. So, he stops, staring at Minho’s unreadable face for a few seconds, waiting for a reply. And waiting. And waiting. And still waiting even after Minho breaks eye contact and looks away… _Say something, come on!_

But he can’t bear waiting for long. “I’m sorry. Really, I-… Minho, I promise I only had good intentions! I know it’s not a defence though. I’m really sorry!”

It takes Minho a few more minutes to reply, still staring at the coffee table when he does, voice quiet and soft, shockingly calm with not a single drop of anger mixed in. “It’s fine. I’m not mad at you… I don’t fully agree with the decisions you made, but I understand them.”

He can barely conceal his surprise. “Really!?”

“Yeah. You just wanted the best for me, I can’t be mad at you for it!” Minho offers him a smile.

Felix lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, immediately hugging his friend, so fast and unexpected that he almost causes them to fall over, which Minho scolds him for, but only playfully as always, while returning the hug.

After that they settle back to comfortably sitting next to each other and letting the silence return too. As expected, they both need to process the conversation they just had. The music stops playing after a few minutes, so Minho gets up to turn the record on it’s other side, before returning to the couch, this time resting his head on Felix’s shoulder.

Minutes go bye, in groups of five and ten, and before Felix could notice they’ve been sitting in silence for more than half an hour. He’s thankful for Minho for understanding why he didn’t tell him about knowing Chan. Lying to Minho was always a huge no to him, and not just because Minho could easy tell most of the time, but also because he felt bad doing so. Not many people realised it, but while Minho was good at reading signs of petty little lies, bigger long time dishonesty usually flew right past his head when it came to the people he trusted and cared about.

Maybe it was a bigger deal in his head, than it actually was. Maybe it didn’t matter to Minho half as much as it did to him. Felix can’t know for sure.

“I’m not mad at him either.”

Minho says that so quietly, Felix could have easily missed it if he wasn’t so intently waiting for Minho to finally say something. He’s not quite sure what to say, but it doesn’t seem to be a problem when Minho continues.

“I mean I’m not angry… I just feel… betrayed, I guess? Confused?”

“What are you confused about?” He asks, to offer a space for Minho to explain his feelings and maybe understand it better after formulating it out loud.

“I just couldn’t believe that he’s a bad person to begin with, you know? Like I know he lied to me, but he seemed so genuine about his thoughts and feelings… I just can’t comprehend _why_ he would lie to me, especially why for so long! I just can’t understand!”

 _Okay_ , Felix takes a deep breath. _This is what I came here for, this is my time!_ He clears his throat, trying to sound more collected and confident. “Have you considered asking him?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to see his face or hear his voice yet,” Minho sighs, shaking his head. “I’m not _angry_ , sure, but there’s still _something_ …”

“Okay. I understand, absolutely! That’s why I thought of something else,” he begins, tone hesitant again, pulling out a sealed envelope from his bag. “This is from him. To you. His thoughts and feelings about the situation.”

Minho looks at the letter hesitantly.

“You don’t have to read it! And even if you do, you’re not obligated to forgive him or anything… All I’m asking from you – not as _his_ friend, but as _yours_ – is to consider it. You want answers, here they are!” _Was that too harsh?_

He considers apologising for the suggestion and offering to forget about the whole conversation before Minho finally takes the envelope. His face is completely unreadable. “I can’t promise anything. But I’ll consider it,” he says with a steady voice, staring at the piece of paper in his hands, not even bothering to re-adjust his glasses, that have slid slightly lower on his nose.

“Thank you.”

Minho shakes his head. “Thank _you_ , Felix!” 

They stay silent once again for a few more minutes, until they hear Jeongin return, at which point Felix gets up to leave, saying bye to Minho with a hug and sharing a look with Jeongin on the way out.

“What did you have for lunch, Innie? I still have a muffin if you’d like one!” He hears Minho say cheerfully as ever, before he closes the front door behind himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last Felix's POV chapter in this fic, the rest is only Chan and Minho, I promise!


	7. Chapter 7

**[Minho's POV]**

No matter how much he tried, Minho couldn’t stop thinking about his conversation with Felix three days ago. Finding out Felix not only knows Chis – _Chan_ , he corrects himself – but is also a close friend of his since high school was a mild shock for him. He tried thinking back to anything Chan mentioned about a friend of his that would fit as a description of Felix, only to realise there were multiple obvious examples.

The friend he’s regularly playing video games with is clearly Felix, and so is the friend who’s so good at cooking – that could be anyone, but Felix _is_ a culinary major though – and maybe even the friend who “makes these little figurines, but like, ah I forgot the word for the material, never mind”. That one had to be a reference to Felix’s needle felted animals he gives to kids who come into the bakery every year around Christmas time.

Of course, Minho wasn’t mad at Felix. After all he didn’t _lie_ to him per se, he just kept additional information hidden from him. Guaranteed some of that information was that Chan _is_ lying to him, but Felix had only good intentions, and he did what he did because he wanted what he thought would be best for Minho. So really Minho had no reason to be mad at Felix.

But that’s exactly why he was even more confused about Chan. He wasn’t mad at him, not really at least, but he still felt some resentment. Felix told him that Chan barely lied too, mostly just twisting the truth a bit and hiding some parts of it, but that meant that Minho would have to forgive him if he forgave Felix. After all what’s the difference? That Chan took longer to tell him the truth – he didn’t tell him technically, but according to Felix he planned to – can’t be it, considering that he had reasons to.

_Depending on how valid his reasons are._

Minho haven’t even touched his letter since the day he received it. After Felix left, he threw it into the lowest drawer of his desk and tried his best to forget about it for the next three days.

He’s alone in the shop when he encounters it again. The pen he was using to note down order dates in his planner runs out of ink in the middle of a word, and he can’t find another one on his desk. So, he goes looking for it in the drawers, closing three empty handed before pulling the fourth one out, only to come face-to-face with the emotional confrontation he was running from.

He’s tempted to close the drawer immediately and go back to that half finished modern style bowl-set across the room, but the envelope is already in his hand, his eyes fixed on the simple “to: Minho” written on it.

If he reads it only to find out Chan had very valid reasons to lie to him, he will _have to_ forgive him, wouldn’t he? He doesn’t feel ready to forgive yet. Not at all. He’s still hurt by what happened – even though he denies it – and confronting a possible reality where he doesn’t have a right to be hurt, would feel quite invalidating. Then again what determines if he has to forgive or if he has the right to be hurt? Feelings can’t be decided with logic. If he feels hurt, then he feels hurt, the circumstances can’t change that!

With a quick but shaky move he opens the envelope, pulling out a few folded pages. They’re handwritten and there’s a couple of lines crossed out or even completely covered with scribbles here and there, as if Chan had to re-start and correct a few sentences mid-writing. There’s also a light coffee stain on the third page, and an upper corner of the second page is a bit ripped.

Minho could easily assume it looks messy like that, because Chan didn’t care enough to copy the finalized thoughts onto a cleaner sheet of paper, yet instead he almost smiles at the way it looks so much like a visualisation of how Chan usually talks when he’s too passionate about a topic to stop and think it through properly first. He only _almost_ smiles though, reminding himself that Chan in fact lied to him.

For a split second he considers making a cup of tea and finishing his paperwork before focusing on the letter, but his eyes are already on the first line and after catching the rhythm of the first sentence he can’t turn his attention away from it.

Chan writes with a certain rhythm and almost a melody, the whole letter reminding Minho of a classical music piece. Slowing down at some places, only to quicken again into a nearly frantic pace. It switches between clear and chaotic thoughts, light-hearted lines that make him smile unexpectedly and honest confessions about deep regrets causing him to hold his breath in anticipation until the end of the sentence.

It begins with a short apology and a few lines begging him to keep reading. Chan lists out every lie he told, telling what the truth for each of those actually is, before moving on to adding more information about himself, explaining why he felt the reason to lie and how he ended up keeping it up for way longer than intended. As Minho feared based on Felix’s words, Chan really didn’t lie to him about much. Even the “fake” name he introduced himself with was his real English name.

He moves on with a heavy heart, already more confused about his emotions. The second part describes Chan’s most honest feelings towards Minho, not holding back a single thought-crumb that most people would have crossed out, deeming it unnecessary or maybe even cringy. This part is the longest, and the most difficult to read. Minho has never seen such raw emotions on paper before, and it makes his heart clench almost painfully. His eyes start to sting, and he _really_ wants to stop and shove the letter back into the drawer it came from right about now.

Call it his subconscious, an outer force or whatever else, but _something_ makes him continue reading, getting to the third part where Chan brings back the very first line, an apology from the beginning, and goes into wider detail about it. He tells him how much he regrets deceiving Minho and how much he wishes he could turn back time and do things differently, as well as how he completely understands if Minho doesn’t forgive him as he has all rights and reasons to be upset, but he just hopes he could clear things up a little and help him move on easier.

_Move on, huh?_

He’s sure what he expected from the letter, but it’s definitely far more than that. By the time finishes the last paragraph his vision is already blurry, and he barely manages to fold the pages back into the envelope, before warm salty tears start streaming down his cheeks. He hasn’t cried since the day of their argument – as much as him yelling at Chan who just stared back silently can be called an argument – but now this letter opened up some blockage in his heart.

There’s no reason he can think of to why he reacts like this. He has no clear thoughts and opinions on the things Chan wrote, in fact he’s more confused than ever. Maybe it’s just the timing, maybe he just really needed to have a good cry. Or perhaps it’s just how raw the writing is that pushed him out of balance and stirred up his own emotions for no reason. Or for a good reason.

Eventually he stops crying after about ten minutes and wipes his cheeks with the sleeves of his white sweater. He takes a deep breath to clear his mind, focusing on how his heartbeat goes back to normal slowly and steadily. _I can’t keep doing this_ , he tells himself. _I can’t keep running from my own feelings, they clearly didn’t disappear just from ignoring them._

He gets up from the desk, dropping the letter in his bag, before moving on to making himself a cup of tea. He feels a little numb, both mentally and emotionally, but aside from that, it really did help to cry a little. He’ll have to read the letter again, maybe even twice in order to fully comprehend Chan’s side of the situation, but right now he doesn’t have the strength.

With the paperwork forgotten he sits down to finish the modern style bowl-set.

~♡~

He ends up reading the letter ten more times in the next days, at various places and hours. During breakfast, in his lunch break, in the middle of an episode of the drama he started watching but isn’t really interested in anymore… even a couple times in bed, right before he goes to sleep, his eyes running along the lines again and again in the silence of the room, under the lonely light of the bedside lamp.

When he isn’t reading the letter, he’s thinking about it. He considers every single sentence, phrase, and word until he thinks he fully understands what Chan meant with each line of the multiple pages long handwritten text. And after he’s done with that, he moves on to deciphering his own emotions.

Which seems to be easier now that he knows what really happened. It would be difficult to hold a grudge against Chan and continue blaming him, after knowing how it was an unintentional mistake and how much he regrets that it happened. Regardless, he appreciates how the last paragraph of the letter is dedicated entirely to validating whatever negative feelings he may have, emphasizing multiple times how Chan doesn’t expect him to forgive and he fully accepts if Minho never wants to see him again.

Reading those lines somehow just makes it easier to forgive.

Because Minho is pretty much ready to forgive.

But at the same time, he isn’t sure what else is he ready for. It’s clear that Chan still _likes_ him, but how much of _his_ romantic feelings for Chan can be restored after their conflict isn’t yet sure, and he’s afraid it might only get more confusing if he meets him again face-to-face. So, he does what seems the most appropriate in the situation and writes a letter himself.

He starts by thanking Chan for his apology and explanation, telling him how much it meant to see such honest, unfiltered thoughts on a paper addressed to him. The fact that he cried while reading it for the first time stays secret though, instead he jumps to how he read the letter multiple times to really understand the true meaning behind the words, and how he took his time deeply considering his response.

Most importantly though, he tells Chan he can forgive him, but also explains that he isn’t sure what’s next now, or how far he’ll be able to go again later. He doesn’t give too long of an explanation about these things – considering it more than clear enough as it is – and neither does he about the other things. In the end the length of his letter is barely a quarter of what Chan wrote to him.

The next day he hands it to Felix in a sealed envelope, asking him to give it to Chan.

“Is it good news?” Felix asks hesitantly, clearly trying to read his face.

Minho shrugs. “It’s news I guess.”

~♡~

It’s only a few days later when Felix gives him an envelope again. “It’s a CD,” he says while adjusting his hat to make sure the pompom on it will fit under hood of his jacket properly when he goes back outside to the falling snow.

“What CD?”

“Chan told me to give it to you. He originally put it on a USB stick, but I told him you might not know how to use that!” Felix grins cheekily, then jumps back with a yelp when Minho attempts to grab him by the scarf over the counter. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding, don’t kill me!” He laughs.

Minho rolls his eyes and looks down at the envelope in his hand. It has the same “to: Minho” written on it like the letter did. He’s not sure what to expect from it.

“Listen to it soon, it’s good, trust me!” Felix quickly adds, before he’s out of the shop already, the wind slamming the door shut behind him.

Minho keeps staring ahead for a few seconds. _What the hell…_

He doesn’t have a CD-player in his shop, so it has to wait until he gets home, which he does a little earlier than usual, not being able to contain his curiosity. He kicks his shoes off as soon as he’s inside, throwing his coat on the hanger, and moving to the living room. However once the CD is in the player and all he needs to do is press the button, hesitation sets in.

 _I should make a cup of tea_ , he decides, quickly turning around to head to the kitchen. While the plum and vanilla flavoured tea – he got it from Jeongin “for no particular reason” a.k.a. because he looked sad recently – steeps in the hot water, he goes back to the front door to put his shoes and coat in order, folding his scarf into a drawer.

He glances out the window onto the grey foggy street, while stirring a little sugar into his tea, for no other reason than to procrastinate going back to that ominous CD. In a few days, his neighbours will start putting their Christmas lights and decorations up, but he’ll wait a little longer with it. _What I shouldn’t be waiting with right now is that CD though…_

For a few more moments he stays in the kitchen, taking a sip of his tea and letting some warmth return to his cheeks, after the walk home in the cold. The mug feels uncomfortably hot in his hands for some time before it fades back into a pleasant warmth. When he finally returns to the living room, he turns the heating up a little and folds the blanket messily thrown over the back of the couch. He drapes a crocheted shawl around his shoulders.

Eventually his curiosity wins over his hesitation. He puts the mug aside, before finally pressing play.

Chan told him in his letter that he’s some sort of a performer. He originally debuted as an “idol”, but he barely gets called that anymore – especially since he left his original label to join a smaller independent one and started putting more rap songs out too as well as the usual – instead simply just “artist” as well as other synonyms with slightly different meanings.

The video Hyunjin showed Seungmin that day was a rap song, that much Minho could definitely tell. It was a fast, energetic rap performance – maybe it was a diss-track, he didn’t pay close enough attention. But the song on the CD currently playing is far from that.

It’s a ballad, with a piano intro, that carries on in the background as other musical elements take the lead before the somewhat melancholic vocals appear too. It’s clearly unmistakably Chan and his voice is much more beautiful than what Minho would have expected – not that he expected it to be bad of course, he just didn’t know how to imagine his vocals, based on only that one rap performance he barely heard.

By the time the song reaches its end, he comprehends none of the lyrics, focusing only on the vocals and the melody. So, he listens to it again, this time focusing on the words instead. It’s a little bit like the letter he got, except much less chaotic and straight forward, and instead more thought out. His choice of words is poetic and very descriptive.

The third time he hits play is so he can listen to it as a whole. Chan’s voice carries so much more emotion than the words themselves and it matches the soft piano background so well, it exceeds whatever assumptions Minho could have had about his music. When the last note of the piano fades out, he doesn’t hit play again.

Instead, he returns to his now slightly cold cup of tea, taking a seat in the armchair closest to the heater, letting one of his cats cuddle up on his lap, absentmindedly petting it’s fur while thinking about the song.

It was obviously written for him and about him, which puts a heavy yet pleasant weight on his chest. It’s a little intimidating to know someone wrote such an emotional song about him, but when he thinks of exactly who wrote it, the feeling turns a little fonder. He still haven’t figured out what his current feelings towards Chan are, but listening to Chan sing about his own feelings sure brought a little of it back. _How is he such a sweetheart… This song is so… so…_ He rubs his eyes a little to stop himself from crying, before he could even start.

“What do you think, Soonie?” He rubs behind the cat’s ear a little, but naturally he doesn’t get a reply aside from some quiet purring. He deems that good enough though.

He takes his phone out of his pocket, quicky pressing call, before he could change his mind. The more he thinks the more confused he gets, so really sometimes its better to make an impulse-decision like so.

He almost starts to assume Chan won’t pick the phone up when finally, he hears the familiar voice. “H-hi! Minho...?” He sounds hesitant a little confused too, probably anxious if the sound of his shaky breathing is anything to go by.

“Hi Chan!” Minho replies, trying to be confident. “I can call you ‘Chan’, right? If you still prefer ‘Chris’-”

“Nonono, Chan is fine, it’s… good! That’s yeah, uh my name… You know that though! Yeah that-… yeah.”

 _Oh yeah he’s definitely anxious_ , he concludes, after hearing Chan’s nervous rambling. His hands are probably shaking now and depending on where he is, he could be walking around nervously, or simply just tapping his feet on the floor. “Am I bothering? I can call you back later if you’re busy or anything!”

“No, I’m not at all busy! Why did you call me? W-wait that sounded rude, I mean-”

“Nonono, let it be, it didn’t sound rude at all,” he hurries to say, to avoid Chan getting into another rant. “I called you about the song. I listened to the CD.”

There’s silence on the other end of the line, only for a few moments but long enough to make Minho consider that maybe there’s something wrong with his phone.

Eventually he can hear Chan take a shaky breath. His voice is quieter now. “Did you like it…?”

“Yeah. I loved it,” he says quickly without hesitation, but still a little nervously. He didn’t realise he stopped petting his cat, until it meows unapprovingly, reminding him to get back to it already. “It’s a really nice song. I liked the, uhm, the lyrics too. Especially the lyrics… And your voice!” _God, why am I so bad at this suddenly?_

“Oh… really?”

“Yeah… It means a lot to me that you did all this, I really appreciate it! So, I guess I just wanted to say thanks for the song.”

“I should be thanking you that you listened to it!”

“You really shouldn’t.”

“Okay.”

There’s another silence, longer than the first one. Minho isn’t sure what to say, but he knows he’s going to be the one to say something eventually, considering he called Chan almost out of the blue after having his number blocked for days. “So…”

Chan replies a little too quickly, clearly just as nervous as Minho if not more. “Yeah?”

“I think… maybe…” he clears his throat to win some time to decide how to formulate his words. “I don’t think I want to meet up just yet- I know, don’t start, I know you weren’t trying to imply that, I know! I’m just saying… But uhm… So… Text me sometimes?”

“Wait… forreal? Are you sure though? Don’t feel pressured to-”

And that is the last straw that causes Minho to finally start laughing. “I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to be laughing, I-… Chan please stop clarifying I don’t _have to_ , I know I don’t! It’s really cute how you just keep going into rants like that, but it’s very unnecessary! Don’t apologise though, I really appreciate it, okay? But it’s unnecessary!”

After a silent second Chan starts laughing too, although a lot less confidently than Minho, sounding a little embarrassed. “Okay-okay, got it!”

“Cool… Talk to you later, then?”

“Yeah, I’ll text you!”

“Alright. Bye Chan, thanks for the song again, it really meant a lot to me!”

“I’m glad you liked it. Bye!”

“Yeah, I almost cried,” he adds sort of teasingly, then immediately ending the call. He looks down at Soonie on his lap. “I think that went well, don’t you agree? I think I made the right decision… I hope I did.”

**Liar**

did you say you cried??

was it good tears tho!?

please tell me it was good tears! :(

I mean only if it actually was, don’t lie to me to make me feel better

not that I assume you would

WAIT THAT CAME OUT RUDE THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT

Minho can’t help but chuckle at the messages. _I should change the name now, shouldn’t I?_

~♡~

After their phone call Minho and Chan have been texting quite a lot more than Minho expected they would. It wasn’t a bad thing of course, just surprising. Mostly they talked about random little thoughts, like when Chan told him to look outside because the moon looked particularly beautiful that night, or when Minho told him about a dead frog he saw on the side of the road.

Other than that, they also talked about things related to their everyday lives, like Minho complaining about forgetting to buy cat food and having to leave the house on a Saturday just to get some, or Chan texting him during a meeting with management, complaining about how boring it is. That also gave him a little insight about Chan’s work, which he was happy to talk about whenever Minho had questions.

And he sure had questions, after all this was a part of his life Chan previously lied about, so he had some catching up to do. From his letter he already knew Chan is signed with a smaller independent label thus moving to the outskirts of the idol industry, freeing himself from overly strict expectations and other unpleasant things. Sure, he had less fans this way than he could have had as an idol, and it didn’t pay as much either, but he still considered himself fairly successful, especially considering the short tour he had in America last summer.

Through further questions Minho also found out that he writes and produces his own songs himself with some additional help from a friend who happens to work at the same company. He originally trained to be a rapper in an idol group, but then debuted solo as a singer and now likes to experiment with all sorts of styles and concepts. Of course, Minho found that very impressive, but Chan brushed his compliments off repeatedly, and hurried to change the topic onto anything else.

Another thing Minho learned about Chan through texting was that his sleep schedule is worse than what he assumed. Sometimes he would get a text at four in the morning – which of course he only saw later when he woke up – or sometimes Chan would reply to a message sent at noon with “sorry, I was sleeping” at six in the evening, while some other times he was sending him good morning texts at six am.

Maybe that’s part of the reason why the late hour is not what makes Minho hesitate now, at half past one a.m. on a workday, as he’s sitting on the corner of his bed, staring at his phone in his hand. _Should I really?_ he thinks, for the nth time. _He could be busy… or asleep… maybe I should wait until tomorrow._

Minho couldn’t fall asleep that night, no matter how hard he tried. He set the heating to the perfect temperature, had a cup of camomile tea too and cuddled his cats as well but nothing helped. Not when there are too many thoughts on his mind. After all he can’t run from facing them for forever.

He really wants to call Chan and discuss certain things with him, but he doubts that this could be the right time for it. He’s scrolling through their past messages, as he considers what to do:

**Christopher**

I’m serious, hyenas are more closely related to cats than to dogs

**(Minho)**

impossible

where did you hear this

whoever told you this were lying to you

**Christopher**

Jisung heard it in some documentary, it’s true, I also looked it up

**(Minho)**

google is a liar, don’t trust google

google tells me you’re 5’8, we both know that’s a lie

**Christopher**

I am fun sized

you’re small too tho

**(Minho)**

I’m taller than u that’s all that counts

\---

**(Minho)**

remember when you asked what it looks like when ceramics explode while baking?

you just missed another opportunity to see it

**Christopher**

ah damn it

\---

**(Minho)**

slugs are weird as shit, imagine being ugly as hell and nature giving you a pretty shell to cover it with, but then you lose the shell and instead of hiding away in shame you go outside to show everyone what an ugly bastard you are

**Christopher**

did you step on a slug?

**(Minho)**

…

yes

**Christopher**

HAHAHAHA

\---

**Christopher**

m sad

I thinl 

*think

fuck, im so tired

**(Minho)**

I was just gonna ask if you’re drunk or sleep deprived

what time did you wake up?

**Christopher**

five

mornig shwo

*morning shoe

*show

**(Minho)**

don’t bother with the damn typos, I can read it fine!

the last text you sent me was at 4:13 did you not even get an hour of sleep?

you should go to bed

like right now

**Christopher**

cant

im at y sutdio

**(Minho)**

then go home!

wait not like this

any of your friends has a car? call someone to pick you up and drive you home

I’ll call Felix to walk you home

I’ll walk you home myself

**Christopher**

cute

nah

bin’s on teh way

he textd cuz he sae im online an I prmised I wont stay to long

**(Minho)**

look at you being a liar again

**Christopher**

noooo TT

**(Minho)**

stop texting me and take a nap while you wait for your friend!!

**Christopher**

<3

**(Minho)**

<3

idiot

\----

**Christopher**

MINHO

HEY

HELLO

MINHO

**(Minho)**

WHAT!?

**Christopher**

oh seems like I forgot, never mind hehe

**(Minho)**

CHRISTOPHER BANG ARE YOU KIDDING ME

**Christopher**

why u always bring out my english name at times like this TT

As he looks at all the various conversations they had at various hours of the days recently, Minho feels a little more comfortable with the idea of at least texting Chan now. If he’s asleep a simple text won’t bother him either way…

**(Minho)**

hey

are you awake?

The response comes immediately, the first message already seen before he can hit send for the second. Which leads Minho to think Chan is probably just killing time on his phone, that’s why he saw the notification pop up so quickly.

**Christopher**

yea

but u too?

I mean you never stay up this late

is everything okay?

**(Minho)**

can I call you?

**Christopher**

right now?

sure

Minho’s hands shake a little as he raises the phone to his ear. He shouldn’t be so nervous to bring this topic up, it’s not even a big deal, but he can’t help his reaction to facing his feelings, however deep or shallow, casual or serious they may be. After all he was never one to wear his heart on his sleeve.

“Hey,” Chan greets him, voice quiet and soft. “You okay?”

“I wanted to talk to you about something.” He takes a shaky breath. “I just don’t know where to begin… It’s not a bad thing! I think… just…”

He can hear the rustling of bedsheets from the other end of the call, maybe Chan sitting up in bed to listen to him more carefully. He’s always been very attentive when Minho told him about more serious or personal topics, and it’s nice to see – well, _hear_ – that it isn’t much different over the phone. However, he doesn’t say a word, waiting for Minho to continue.

“Let’s talk about the letters, Chan,” he blurts it out quickly. “We haven’t even mentioned the letters yet over the past days… I just feel like we should. I don’t know what exactly we should talk about the letters, I just feel like we have to, yeah?” For split second, he thinks Chan will call him silly or petty and hang up, but of course that’s not the case.

“Do you want me to talk about the letter I sent you?” Chan asks, still on that soft quiet voice.

“If you don’t mind…”

“Of course, I don’t.” So, Chan tells him about how Felix brought up the idea of writing a letter to him, and how desperate he was for a chance to explain his side of the story to Minho – if not for forgiveness then at least because Minho deserved to know the truth. At some point he even cried while writing about his feelings and he had to take a break to calm down, so his tears won’t get the paper wet. He also mentioned how little hope he had that Minho would even read his letter, let alone reply.

After that, Minho tells him how he felt while reading the letter, and how that was the second and last time since their conflict that he cried. He told him how confused he was at first and how he had to re-read it multiple times in order to really understand the situation, and how hesitant he felt about writing a reply. “I’m glad I did though…”

“But?”

Of course, he would know, he’s too good at reading the room without even seeing his face. “But I’m still confused. Not as much as before! But a little… hesitant. I want to see you in person again, I want to meet up and go to that café down the street and just talk… but something is missing, like some tiny little piece, I can’t put my finger on what exactly. I’m sorry!”

“Hey don’t apologise!” Chan hurries to say, sounding calm and reassuring. “I think we established that what happened was all my fault, so really if you think about it whatever little piece is missing, also got lost on my fault.”

Minho can feel a lump forming in his throat. “No, because you were just worried, yeah? And it was a really valid worry.”

“I overreacted, it probably wouldn’t have been any different if I told you the truth straight off the bat.”

“No-no because, maybe… maybe if I had known you’re a celebrity, I would have treated you differently. Depending on how you would have worded it and what context you would have said it in… it’s not impossible that I would have thought bad of you just because you’re somewhat famous.”

This is the main reason Minho wanted to talk to Chan. It took him quite some time to finally realise this, and since then the thought didn’t leave him alone for a second. He could only hope this won’t make him seem judgemental or just in general a worse person in Chan’s eyes, but he had to say it. Who knows maybe it just seems like a bigger deal in his head than it actually is! But he couldn’t keep listening to Chan blame himself hundred percent when it really started as not more than an innocent way to protect himself from a potential heartbreak. And Minho sure knows what that situation is like!

“Thank you for telling me that,” Chan’s voice is still soft and calm, and he sounds like he might even be smiling too. Minho can’t help but let out a sigh as the weight lifts from his chest. “And no, I don’t think of you any differently because of it!”

“I’m really starting to think you’re reading my mind!” He chuckles, finally leaning back in his bed comfortably.

“I’m just good at guessing!”

“Is there anything you’re not good at? Aside from bowling!”

Chan’s voice slips into an annoyed whine at that. “Hey, I told you that was _one_ time I lost, I’m usually really good at it!”

“Sure, sure~” he hums his reply, but it quickly turns into a yawn.

“Get some sleep.” Chan’s voice sounds somehow a little sweeter.

Minho nods at first, before remembering that this is a phone call and giving a verbal reply too. “I will… Good night!”

“Good night.”


	8. Chapter 8

**[Chan’s POV]**

No matter the amount of effort, Chan wouldn’t be able to properly explain just how thankful he was for getting another chance with Minho. Sure, technically he didn’t “get another chance” _yet_ , but at least they’re talking again – even if it’s only through text messages – and Minho said it clearly, without beating around the bush that he’s hoping to eventually meet up again.

And whatever missing piece he’s still looking for, Chan is more than happy to wait until he finds it. There’s nothing to rush, after all it’s not like he can find anyone better than Minho, and there’s no way Minho would have said what he said if his feelings weren’t actually genuine. They text each other regularly and their conversations are comfortable and natural, the highlights of Chan’s days really. He’s happy with what he has now – especially after expecting Minho to never want to talk to him again – no matter how long it takes to move to the next step.

Some people would say Minho is being petty and taking too much time or that he overreacted the situation. But time and feelings are both hard to grasp; very personal, always changing, and difficult to explain. If Chan falling in love with him after only their first few times meeting up was in fact as valid as Jisung said back then, then it’s also valid that Minho still needs time even after forgiving him.

As Jisung said, _sometimes people just click right away, it’s just as natural as taking a year to try returning someone’s feelings and failing. You don’t control emotions like that, they happen when they happen, and last as long as they do! Eventually things will fall into place._ And Chan decided to believe his friend, knowing well he’s talking from personal experience, one way or another. Somehow Jisung always knew what to say and how to word it, no surprise Changbin always asked him to proofread his lyrics.

“If you don’t get the fuck out of my messages, I’ll shove a whole foot up your ass Changbin!” The guy in question currently yells in the background, attempting to kick his boyfriend off the black leather couch.

But of course, Changbin doesn’t let him, keeping an iron grip on the backrest with one hand and holding Jisung’s foot down with the other. “I just wanted to know who that guy is, you barely ever make new friends, and you don’t text them this much!”

“Quit being a jealous bitch, I told you it’s just an ex-classmate! He’s Chan’s friend actually,” he says, quickly turning to Chan to get his word on his side. “Tell him Felix has a boyfriend, he won’t let me be!”

“Felix has a boyfriend… And he wouldn’t want to date Ji either way, that era is over!”

“I don’t care if he has a boyfriend, I’m not jealo- wait you mean they were… in the past!?” Changbin’s eyes widen with curiosity, not bothered by Jisung’s finally successful attempt to kick him off onto the floor of his own studio. At least the black carpet was soft and somewhat comfortable.

“ANYWAY,” Jisung says, getting up from the couch himself.

Chan shakes his head, leaning back in his chair. “Nah, Felix had a thing for him but-”

“CHAN CAME HERE FOR ADVICE”

“But what…?”

Chan’s mouth is covered by a hand before he could reply. “So, as I was saying, Chan came here for advice, and it would be awfully rude to not hear him out about whatever is bothering hi- EW! WHY DID YOU LICK MY HAND!?”

“Well why did you cover my mouth?” Chan retorts teasingly but drops the fight alongside their original topic. He did in fact come for advice, on a very important topic. It’s been on his mind for a few days now, and he came to the conclusion that asking Jisung and Changbin what they think is a good next step.

Because the thing is, he wants to get something for Minho for Christmas.

Nothing extra of course – that would probably come off as weird anyway – just some small, cute gift, mainly for the sake of the gesture. He’s not yet sure if he’ll even get the opportunity to meet-up with Minho before Christmas, but either way for now he wants to come up with an idea at least. And a good one at that, not something boring or cliché, after all he still has hope they have a future together and he doesn’t want to lower his chances with a bad Christmas gift.

So, who better to ask than the happiest couple he personally knows?

“Damn dude, that’s a tough one,” Changbin starts, the gears in his head turning almost visibly from how hard he’s thinking about it. “Maybe… a song? Gifts like that are nice, it shows that, like, they matter to you like how your biggest passion in life does.”

“Oh, like how you’re not much of a flower person, yet you absolutely melt when Jisung gives you flowers or makes you one of his flower resin things, huh? I see, I see~”

Changbin clears his throat, avoiding facing the look Jisung gives him. “Yeah, like that. Anyway… a song? That would be so you!”

“I already made a song for him, remember? If I make a song again that would get the opposite effect.”

“Ah right, right.”

They sit in silence for a second, each staring at a different spot on the wall, trying to summon some creativity. Maybe this was too ambitious from him. What if he can’t come up with anything? Should he just not give a gift, or risk getting a bad gift? Neither sounds ideal.

Jisung looks up with an “aha!” immediately alerting both of their attention. “Why don’t you give him something that’s not _you_ , but _him_?”

“Huh?” Chan raises an eyebrow in question. Jisung’s idea is probably great – as usual – but he isn’t quite sure he gets what it’s about, based on that one sentence.

“If you’d make him a song that would be “so _you_ ” because you like music, yeah? Give him something that’s “so _him_ ”, something _he_ likes the way you like music!”

He takes a few seconds to consider, repeating the words silently in his mind. “That’s actually not bad!”

“Of course not, when did I ever have a bad idea? Changbin shut up!”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You were about to!”

“Guys before you get into an argument,” Chan stops them quickly. “We’re not done. We got a general idea, but I still don’t know what exactly to get.”

“Well good luck figuring it out! We don’t know your man, we can’t really say anything useful!” Changbin finally gets up from the floor to join Jisung on the couch again, clearly trying to find a sitting position where they can be as cuddly as possible, without making Chan feel like he’s interrupting something.

“Maybe you should ask Felix! He’s his best friend, yeah? He could know it better than anyone what Minho would like!” Jisung adds, while playing with Changbin’s hand around his waist.

And once again he has a really good point. Chan should have thought about that himself earlier. He should call Felix right away and ask when he has time to meet up. “Good idea, I’ll go then and… let you guys do whatever you were about to do before I dropped by!”

“Yeah, that would be much appreciated!” Changbin jokes, causing Jisung to roll his eyes in annoyance.

~♡~

“Oh my god, that’s so sweet! He gonna love it!” Felix says with a big smile, excitement shining from his eyes. His recently bleached blond fluffy hair and almost white – but actually light pink – sweater kind of making him resemble an angel. _Or like Cupid, he really_ is _acting like that, isn’t he_ , Chan thinks to himself, realising exactly how much he owes Felix for helping him fix the mistakes he made, and get back on talking-level with Minho.

“Well not if it’s a bad gift…” he chuckles awkwardly, feeling a little tense.

Felix seems to pick up on that right away. “You really want to impress him, don’t you? Aw that’s so cute!!”

“Quiet, people are gonna stare!” Chan warns him, this time laughing a little more honestly, ignoring the old lady at the next table who gives them a disapproving stare before she returns to her crossword puzzle. The café they met up at this time was in a busier part of the city – but with Christmas approaching so fast, what part of the city isn’t busy anyway – although in a quieter street. The decoration was a little too much for Chan’s liking, but Felix insisted they have really good seasonal coffee drinks.

He starts by telling Felix what idea he came up with so far and what exactly he needs help with – earning another slightly too loud exclamation of “that’s so romantic!” – also mentioning some examples he managed to come up with and why they weren’t good enough ideas after all.

For a while they just sit at their table, Chan eating the whipped cream off his coffee, while Felix stares outside the window, trying to come up with the best gift idea. Which is proven to be harder than it seems, considering that Minho isn’t exactly the kind of person who likes gifts for the sake of gifts, throwing out almost anything he deems useless, regardless of who he got it from. So, either it has to be useful one way or another or, as Felix explains, handmade because as an artist himself, Minho values the hard work that goes into creating something with one’s own hands.

“This is so complicated, it’s not like I can make pottery like him!” Chan sighs, leaning back in his chair and staring at the ceiling.

Felix gasps, almost slamming his mug he was about to drink from back onto the table. “That’s it!”

Chan looks back at him in confusion. “What…?”

“Pottery! That’s what you should do!”

“Felix, I literally just said I can’t!”

“Hear me out, think about it… you want to give him something that’s _so Minho_ , well what’s more Minho than pottery? It’s exactly like you and music! Plus, it’s both handmade _and_ useful – depending on what you make – so it will double-avoid the trashcan!”

Chan doesn’t really like to admit it, but Felix is right. It really is a great idea. He’s a little worried it might end up looking horrible and then no matter how handmade it is, it still won’t push their possible future relationship in the right direction, but Felix insists it’s not that difficult and quicky suggests him a place where he can sign up for a class or two.

He thanks Felix profusely, promising he’ll pay him back for all the help somehow, no matter how much the other keeps denying and saying he had nothing to with it and he contributed nothing but ideas. Felix has always been humble like that though, so Chan will just have to repay him eventually without letting him know he’s being repayed.

They sit at the café a little longer, talking about how each of them will spend Christmas – Felix has been invited to dinner by Hyunjin’s parents this year – and how their everyday life is going, giving each other holiday movie suggestions, and agreeing to get back to gaming after the holidays, as they are both busy around this season.

Eventually Chan has to leave to get to an interview with some magazine – he had more important things to worry about than reading the whole e-mail his manager sent him – so they share a quick hug, and Felix pats his shoulder encouragingly. “You got this! He’ll love it, trust me,” he says with a bright smile. Chan can only hope he’s right.

~♡~

The day after his talk with Felix, Chan called the place he mentioned to ask if there’s any classes they could fit him in. Luckily, there was one more space in the class on Wednesday and Saturday afternoon, so he signed up quickly, cleared his schedule for those afternoons and set a reminder in his phone to make sure he’ll be there on time.

The other people taking the same class are mostly either children or above sixty, and the teacher is a seemingly forty-year-old woman. She explains them the basics of pottery, then tells them to pick what they want to make, so she can go table to table and help everyone setting thing up while they wait for her two assistants to arrive, who will then also join her walking around, giving help where needed.

Now the only question is what exactly does Chan want to make? No matter how much time he spent thinking about it he couldn’t figure it out. He was passionately against the idea of a simple mug, for no other reason – especially not his pride, definitely not pride thank you very much Jisung – than wanting to really impress Minho with something meaningful. And not a stupid mug!

But now as the teacher approaches his desk, he has no idea how to reply to the question about what he’s making today. Maybe a mug isn’t as bad of an idea after all. At least it’s still something!

Chan doesn’t expect much from it but starts working on the mug anyway. Which is proven to be more difficult than he imagined it, despite Felix insisting it will be easy. Well either he was lied to, or he’s just born to be awful at pottery, because to him it seems anything but easy! Whatever the reason may be, the mug collapses in on itself a good couple of times before he finally makes it stand steadily. _Oh man, maybe just a “simple” mug is impressive enough!_

Staring at the slightly wonky mug he’s starting to doubt himself when the deformed shape suddenly gives him an idea. He waves the teacher over and explains what he wants to do, asking for her help, in order to avoid the clay collapsing again. _God if it doesn’t end up looking at least alright…_

In the end he does make a mug, but with a little twist. Is it creative? Not really. Is it impressive? Not at all. But at least he made something!

Next time on Saturday he’ll glaze the by then baked mug with a dark red-purple shade he thinks Minho would like. It won’t be the best gift ever given, but he tried his best.

On Monday he walks to Minho’s shop, after an hour of hesitation. He didn’t ask if they could meet up. After all he doesn’t want to pressure Minho to spend time with him, and he knows Minho would insist to hang out if they made actual plans to meet up, even if he doesn’t really want to.

It’s cold, and the sidewalk is a little slippery, but the sun is shining at least. He’s wearing a thicker winter coat now and a grey scarf wrapped around his neck, covering half of his face too to save it from the cold wind. He wrapped the mug up in layers of paper and placed it in a simple gift bag, no need for anything fancy, after all this is just a casual gift that worth nothing more than the gesture.

However, Minho’s shop is closed. At first, he wonders if perhaps Minho left for lunch and he’ll be back soon, but the paper on the wall makes it clear that’s not the case. Chan knew Minho as a workaholic, so it takes him by surprise that he closed the shop early for the holiday season and won’t open it again until the 28th.

It’s a bit disappointing too, but what can he do? Nothing.

 _Let’s try again after the holidays then_ , he sighs, turning around and walking home.

~♡~

**Min <3 **

so how are you spending christmas then?

They just finished gossiping about Felix spending Christmas with his boyfriend and his family, when Minho shifts the topic to him. Chan shifts his position on the couch to avoid his leg going numb, and re-adjusts his blanket before replying, continuing to ignore the movie playing on his laptop on the coffee table.

**(Chan)**

with family

I’m flying home to australia early morning on the 24th

I’m excited to see them again!!

I miss them a lot

**Min <3**

aw

cute

**(Chan)**

how about you?

who will you spend christmas with?

**Min <3 **

Soonie Doongie and Dori

**(Chan)**

haha

I’m serious tho

**Min <3 **

so am I

it’s just me and the cats

**(Chan)**

:’(

**Min <3 **

what?

**(Chan)**

you gonna spend christmas alone TT

that’s so sad

**Min <3 **

and?

it’s just like spending any other day alone!

I live alone!!

**(Chan)**

but it’s christmas!

you can’t spend christmas alone!!

**Min <3 **

oh ffs this isn’t some cheesy romcom, a lot of people spend Christmas alone, and I'll visit my grandma on the 26th anyway!

Chan lets the topic drop there, instead asking Minho how his cats are doing, hoping to get one of those occasional cat-cuddling selfies. Minho said he’s also watching a movie, so he probably looks cute, cuddling his cats on the couch wearing some extremely soft sweater and drinking tea from a Christmas themed mug, his glasses fogging up a little every time he takes a sip.

_Fuck, I just really wanna see him!_

He isn’t really sure what pushes him towards the change of plans he makes. Minho is fine with spending the holidays alone and Chan fully understands that, he really was just acting dramatic over texts. _But still… Christmas alone?_ So that can’t be the reason, and neither can it be him wanting to give him that stupid mug before Christmas, because it really doesn’t matter that much.

Yet in the end he still pauses the movie to arrange a couple of things online, before once again calling Felix to ask for one more little favour.

“Hey, Lix! No, everything’s fine but… Okay, hear me out!”


	9. Chapter 9

**[Minho’s POV]**

Minho was never really the biggest fan of Christmas. He had nothing against it either, don’t get him wrong, but he just didn’t get the huge hype over it. He enjoyed some tasteful Christmas decoration and Christmas themed teas and biscuits, as well as certain types of Christmas music too – mostly the old records from his grandma – but all in moderation.

He doesn’t usually spend Christmas alone like this though. Felix usually can’t fly home to his family for Christmas due to exam season, so Minho would invite him, as well as Hyunjin and Jeongin, over for a late lunch or early dinner on whichever day works best for them, then arrange his visit to his grandmother on the other.

But now Felix is spending Christmas with Hyunjin and his family, Jeongin is visiting his parents and younger brother in Busan, and his grandma called him last minute to ask if he could visit the week after Christmas instead, due to her health. None of which was anybody’s fault, and Minho wasn’t even upset about any of it to begin with, but it was still unusual to know he won’t likely see another person until after the holiday.

It’s the evening of the 24th now, and he’s listening to Christmas music while reading the TV paper to see if there will be any Christmas movies he hasn’t already seen ten times, before giving up and settling for Home Alone, as usual. “Hyunjin loves it so much, I wonder how he’s not bored of it already, don’t you Dori?” He asks the cat currently curled up next to him on the couch.

The last person he talked to was Jeongin, who texted him from the train on his way to Busan. Turns out Seungmin and his sister are visiting their aunt in Busan this year, and upon running into each other on the train station he asked Jeongin if he’d like to meet up once they’re both done with family time. Minho couldn’t stop himself from laughing over the long text Jeongin sent him about how “nowadays you make one friend and suddenly you can’t have alone time anymore” but it was clear he wasn’t at all against the idea of spending some time with Seungmin during the holidays. _They’ll figure it out, I’m sure_ , he thinks to himself, smiling.

The house smells like gingerbread – which he just finished baking an hour ago – and some random Christmas themed scented candle he picked up from the store yesterday while shopping for ingredients for Christmas dinner. With the food in the oven, the house clean, and the small Christmas tree decorated, he has nothing to do other than drinking his tea in peace and enjoying this holiday as much as possible.

It’s unexpected when out of all things it’s the doorbell that breaks the momentary peace. _Who on earth could this be…_ he wonders, as he’s standing up from the couch, smoothing down his green sweater and fixing up the white shirt-collar sticking out of it. His friends are all busy or even out of town, and he didn’t order anything that could arrive around this time.

A jazz cover of White Christmas plays as he turns the volume down a little, before walking to the window to take a peek outside. The sun has already set a little while ago and it’s been snowing all afternoon, which makes the glimmering Christmas lights look even more scenic – making even Minho feel the Christmas vibes – but they don’t help him much when it comes to finding out who stands in front of his door. It looks like a man in a black coat with the hood on.

_Maybe I’m getting axe-murdered tonight, wouldn’t that be just so jolly?_

He goes to open the door either way, after draping a shawl over his shoulder, so the cold air won’t hit him too strong. “Hello, what can I-… Chan?”

“H-hi! I hope I’m not bothering?” If it wasn’t obvious enough on first glance, the awkward chuckle and dimpled smile sure reassured Minho that his eyes really aren’t lying to him. The person standing at his doorstep on the 24th of December, in his usual full black outfit, lightly tapping his foot in the snow is no other than Chan.

“What are you doing here, didn’t you have a flight this morning!?” He hears himself ask, before his mind could even catch up.

Chan takes a step back, nervously looking at anything but Minho’s face. “Yeah well, uh, so I postponed it? To ten p.m. Because… uhm… because I wanted to wish you a merry Christmas in person, I guess!” With that he hands him a gift bag Minho didn’t notice he was holding. His hands seem to shake a little.

Still in moderate confusion Minho takes it and slowly pulls out the object wrapped in layers of paper, his brain still focused much more on Chan being there instead of the reason for him being there. _I don’t understand anything, why is he here, I mean he just told me why but still, why… just to give me a present?_ He stops for a second as he comprehends that thought. _Wait that’s so cute, what the hell!_

“I know it’s lowkey ugly,” Chan continues in the meantime, clearly about to go on a nervous little ramble. “But I made it myself because I wanted to make you something personal, I guess, but not something fancy ‘cause I felt like overcomplicating it would make it weird, so…”

For once he doesn’t try to stop the stream of words, instead quickly unwrapping what turns out to be a heart-shaped mug. _This is so cliché, Jesus Christ, the embarrassment_ , he thinks but he can’t stop himself from smiling. _Did he really make this himself? That’s so sweet!_

When he looks up again, Chan immediately stops talking, anxiously awaiting a reply. His cheeks are a nice shade of pink from the cold wind and there’s a few snowflakes in his now black hair – Minho didn’t notice when he pushed the hood of his coat back – which only adds to whatever effect that slightly wonky mug had on Minho’s heart. He’s used to gifts like these, after all he was once the victim of Jeongin’s first few attempts at knitting (conveniently around Christmas time).

But the thought that Chan of all people not only went out of his way to sing up for some pottery class and make this mug for Minho, but also postponed his early morning flight home so he can give it to him on Christmas, was really something else. “Wow, this is really nice of you!” He ends up saying, trying his best to look calm and collected. _He’s so cute, I’m gonna explode, my poor heart can’t keep up with this!_ “I didn’t get you anything though.”

He watches as Chan raises both hands to turn that idea away, hurrying to say, “You didn’t even have to!” Still looking nervous but now for a different reason, moving on his feet and fidgeting so much, that Minho worried he might slip in the snow. Somewhere behind him, in the house a piano cover of All I Want For Chirstmas Is You is playing, and the smell of gingerbread also reaches the doorway, where it meets the cold air and the green, red and yellow light of the neighbour’s decoration.

And on this exact spot, watching the light colour them both – as well as the snow around them – all shades of Christmas, holding that damn mug and watching Chan trying to explain himself yet again, running his hand though his hair nervously… does he get an idea. “Unless maybe,” he starts, cutting Chan off mid-sentence, hiding a smile at the round-eyed look he receives.

Before he could change his mind, Minho places a hand gently on Chan’s arm and steps closer, pressing a quick hint of a kiss to his lips.

When he steps back, Chan is staring at him in mild confusion – but clearly in a positive way – more flustered than Minho ever saw him before, the blush on his cheeks quickly darkening.

 _Oh no, I’m in love, I’m in love, I’m soooo in love right now_ , Minho curses internally, trying his best not to smile like an idiot, attempting to mask it as a teasing smirk, with limited success. “Don’t you have a flight to catch?”

Chan looks like he was snapped out of some sort of trance. “Right, yeah, a flight, yes, I do…”

“Then go!”

“Okay…” Chan seems to hesitate, or maybe he’s still trying to comprehend what just happened. It would make sense, really, after all Minho surprised even himself with that one. “I’ll just… go then… Yeah, a flight, right-right,” he mutters, as he’s walking down the three steps leading to Minho’s door.

“Let’s go on a date once you’re back in Korea!” Minho yells after him, almost laughing at how Chan nearly slips in the snow upon hearing that, before turning around with now almost red cheeks, stumbling over his words in his hurry to reply.

Eventually Minho closes the door, smiling so hard his cheeks are starting to hurt, as he’s staring at the mug in his hand. It’ll sure take some time to collect his thoughts afterwards, but for now he’s allowing himself to be an emotional mess – for once, finally in a positive way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I hope the ending didn't disappoint, I wasn't sure how to write a kiss-scene so I had to make it subtle!  
> Once again sorry about grammar mistakes and typos, please let me know if you found any!
> 
> [tumblr](https://i-gotta-bee-me.tumblr.com/)


End file.
